Seeking God? Drop all conditions, I mean ALL.

About 2 weeks ago, I was (still) seeking the Lord for directions when suddenly I realise something. I realise I had the same foolishness I had not too long ago with regards to seeking the will of God. A couple of years ago, I told God that I will go and serve anywhere except back in the corporate world. This time round, I told God I will go anywhere and no conditions, but there's a lingering plan in my heart.

The first time round, God chose not to say anything until I realise my foolishness and I told God that even if I had to go back to the corporate world, I will obey. Shortly after that point of surrender, my direction became clear and soon I was engaged in what God wants me to do. This time round, God chose not to say anything until I realise that I was as foolish as before and surrender to Him. The only difference is this time round, my condition wasn't exactly explicit, but it was a condition that has already garnered strength in my heart.

I told God I will do anything, go anywhere - I thought I had surrendered totally. But deep in my heart, I still had a lingering thought that I will just do something here for maybe a maximum of one year, preferably a few months, before going back to the field. So I prayed and asked but nothing seems to come out of my prayer. But as I was praying that day, God revealed to me my foolishness. It was a repeated 'mistake'. I had in fact a certain idea or plan on how things should work out and this to God is a form of condition; even though I had said I'll do anything and anywhere. God wants me to give Him my control of time as well, not just the kind of work and kind of place. In short, He wants my total surrender.

Thanks be to God for revealing the thoughts of my deceitful heart to me! I have learned of my foolishness once again and God has again show that He is faithful. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"~Jer 29:13. It goes to show that we are very much at times like the obstinate Israelites in the bible - making the same mistakes after learning them. But God is gracious and always teaching us. I learned once again of my human foolishness and I thank God that the way ahead is starting to get clearer.

If you are seeking God, still yourself and spend some quiet time asking the Holy Spirit to search you first of all. And you'll be amazed or should I say shock when God reveals to you the reason why you are not hearing.

"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them ~ Matt 15:16

My Jesus, I Love Thee

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
~ William R.Featherston

Is Jesus my delight?

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" I remember telling my Doulos friends this verse from Phil 4:4 as one of my favourite verses. Not too long ago, I was feeling great and full of joy and satisfaction in my journey but things seemed a little different now. Am I moody, down and sulking now? Not at all, and though I still laugh and enjoy my days, there is something amiss. It just feel different.

Last night's reflection had shown me the answer to this seemingly 'missing' joy. I had forgotten to delight myself in the Lord. Omigosh! Have I backslide? No, I have not. So what do I mean by that? I realise I had been focusing on how to live life that I have forgotten my basis for living. My present circumstances have not been great and I feel myself losing motivation for life. I know God is trying me and stretching my faith, and I have been seeking Him for an answer, for a direction to continue on to the next phase. But not hearing nor seeing anything happening all this while does to a certain extent affect my emotion and as time goes by, the uncertainty weighs heavier and heavier.

I told myself:"I will trust in the Lord!", or so I claimed. But there is this 'heaviness" and a 'certain' joy missing from my life. Mind you, I am still enjoying life - I laugh, I play, I give thanks, I appreciate, I enjoy things, I give, I receive and I am really blessed. BUT I realise there is something missing and I realise I had 'forgotten' my basis for living life. I claim to be lacking motivation in life, but if Jesus is the basis for living an abundant life, then how could I claim otherwise? If I have delighted in Jesus and understood that life is worth the living just because He lives, then how can it be possible that I lack motivation in life?

This is indeed basic understanding revisited. Now I can sing again:"And life is worth the living just because He lives". That is the basis for that 'missing' joy in my life - i.e. to live just because Jesus lives! Isn't that great? Isn't that good enough to give me motivation in life? That is the answer to finding joy in my present circumstances. Delighting in Jesus! Giving thanks and praying to Him sure help in lifting my heaviness but that is not yet delighting in Him. To delight in Him goes beyond our thanksgiving and speaking to Him(though it is part of it). It is to adore Him, to hold Him in such awe, to finally understand that having Him alone is good enough reason for rejoicing in life. That is the basis for my living. I need no other motivation nor could I claim I lack one.

O how I delight in You Lord! How can I not rejoice in life?

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

"Dr.O gave his life to Jesus some months ago and was baptized recently!" my Brazilian friend shared the news with delight. Wow! I'm amazed, and I felt so happy. I'm so grateful that God had touched Dr.O and helped him believe in Jesus, even though his new status meant that many of his friends shunned him.

Thinking back, meeting Dr.O in East Timor has been such a 'divine appointment' from God. I was then having acute pain in my lower right abdomen and was advised to seek medical treatment in case it is appendicitis. My nurse friend contacted Dr.O and told J. and I to seek help from him. When we found him, he had just recovered from dengue fever but proceeded anyway to diagnose my case and gave me treatment and follow-up instructions(he did not even charge me for the medication!). I was very grateful for his kindness and arranged to treat him to a dinner at my place. When J. and I found out about his birthday, we decided to surprise him with a birthday cake.

He was really thrilled on that day as we sang him a birthday song and celebrate his birthday over dinner. We also had a short time of sharing and got to know Dr.O better - even though I had to get J. to translate his Spanish to Portuguese and to English for me to understand. Some time later, we got to know that he had never had such a birthday celebration before and that he was very touched by it.

Fast forward to today, Dr.O had given his life to Jesus and find real meaning and joy. He'll be leaving Timor soon and going back to his dear country. I never knew that that birthday celebration had meant so much to him and that it had brought forth a wonderful friendship between him and J. and finally led him to discover Jesus for himself. Birthday celebration is such a common affair to us that we have taken it for granted. But for another person like Dr.O, it had brought him closer to knowing Christ and it did finally. Ah, what a wonderful God we have. And what a wonderful new birthday for Dr.O in the Kingdom of God.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" and "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven" - Gal 6:9, Matt 5:16

¡Feliz Cumpleaños! = Happy Birthday in Spanish

Another year is dawning

Here's an excellent poem on a new year with the Lord.

Another year is dawning;
dear Father, let it be,
In working or in waiting,
another year with thee.

Another year of progress,
another year of praise,
Another year of proving
Thy presence all the days.

Another year of service,
of witness for thy love;
Another year of training
for holier work above.

Another year is dawning;
dear Father, let it be,
On earth, or else in heaven,
another year for thee.

~ Francis Ridley Havergal