Got Money and No Money -> So What?

There are many paradoxes in life. Reading the current headlines of East Timor got me thinking again - at the same issue.

1 in 55 children die before the age of 5, and 1 in 35 mothers die during childbirth. If you think East Timor is poor, you will only need to enquire about their petroleum fund and Timor doesn't look that poor anymore. There is currently X billion dollars in East Timor's petroleum fund.

So the dire straits of the common folks is not because the country does not have any money, but it is what, how and where does the money go to. While it is true that East Timor is still comparatively poor when a country's wealth is gauged by her GDP(it's not 100% accurate anyway), in terms of funds, East Timor is not short of it. Millions of dollars are poured into the country by other countries and aid organizations.

So why is the common folk still suffering from the same trivial problems such as:
1. Death because of common(in East Timor), curable illnesses such as diarrhaoue, fever, malaria, typhoid, wound infections
2. Lack of education opportunities; especially in the rural and mountainous regions
3. Lack of proper water sanitation and access
4. Lack of medical facilities
and the list goes on.

Can't money solve all these problems? Can't we build schools, build medical facilities, build a world class sewage system, hire experts and doctors? But the reality is that money can't solve all these problems because solving these problems are just not as straightforward as I wished it to be; even if it does looked straightforward. There are so many underlying nitty gritties such as the person driving the project to the approval by government agencies that a discussion on why money alone cannot solve these problems is just beyond the scope of this article.

Yet at the same time, without money, nothing much can be done. To quote a chinese phrase, "You qian ye shi zi yang, mei qian ye shi zi yang". It almost make things sound so hopeless; a kind of resigning-to-my-fate sentiment. What does it take to ensure that less children die before the age of 5? And what does it take to ensure that less mothers die during childbirth? Could the answer be you and me? Perhaps the no.1 reason why many Timorese are still suffering is because you and I are not bringing to them the knowledge and love they need to get themselves out of their malady.

It's time to think again. Where do we go from here?

East Timor Reflection no.2

"What do the people need or want?" - this is probably the no.1 question on most people's mind when they have been to East Timor and thinking how to help the people. The needs are many - for some, it's daily food. for some, it is education. and for others, work and a steady income. "How do we solve all these problems?" - Wrong question. Although some people might have the perception that Timorese in general are quite a laidback people, I've seen examples that beg to differ.

I've met brilliant Timorese. And I've met brilliant Timorese youth with a never-say-die attitude and they made it through tough times. So what's the right question? I would say - "How do they solve all these problems?". And believe me, I think they are able to. If we would humble ourselves, learn from them and aid them along, and work together with them.

The other part of our world has so much resources that we are not utilizing them to the fullest. There are many needs that we can help meet with our resources, but which one comes first? I personally feel that education is the priority. Not the usually assumed academic education where one thinks that with some form of paper, they can find a decent job and live well. Come on, with 40% unemployment, what can a piece of paper do?

If you have read the book, "The book that transforms nations" by Loren Cunningham, you will know what I mean. Social skills, healthy habits, problem solving skills, working as a team, leadership skills, taking care of one’s body, moral values, conflict resolution, spiritual disciplines, godly character & development and so on as Education. It covers every aspect of a growing child and a growing adult into fuller maturity and wisdom. But besides all these good stuff, I realised after reading the book that you have to have God involved. Who's going to teach radical things like "Love your enemies? Bless those who cursed you? Consider others better than yourself? Look to the interest of others?"

If a person will have that, and willingly do it because he loves God, that'll do it. Lives will be transformed. Society will be transformed. There will be no poor people. There will be food for everyone. Our earlier questions will be answered. There will be peace in Timor. There will be prosperity.

Until then, let us change our mindsets about our Timorese friends and about ourselves. We're not in anyway smarter or greater. We're just privileged to be born and bred in a country that God has placed you and I in. And yes, you and I have a part to play in the transformation of lives. Tell them God's love. Teach them by living godly lives. God will answer your question, and theirs in due time.

East Timor Reflection no.1

    

Dinner with Aussie friends at Gleno - Orphanage founder, water project co-ordinator, educationalist, English trainer, community project manager, handyman. (the ladies are preparing food in kitchen)


 At Mary McKillop East Timor - Tetun Literacy Programme, Marungi(Moringa)workshops, compassionate care, sponsorships, justice advocacy, health education

This trip has been an eventful one. Besides losing my trail in climbing Mt.Ramelau, the other exciting aspect of this trip would be the no. of contacts and knowledge I have gained about those who are working in East Timor and for East Timor.

Even though my visit was only a short one week, God had used me to link up people and to share information with those on the field. I am glad I was of some use to those on the ground. However, there are some thoughts that lingered at the back of my mind after these encounters.

"Are we intentionally spending time to find out the good work that others are doing? Even if they are not Christians. Do we make an effort to know them? Or even to humble ourselves and learn from them?"

"Are we caught up in a "I want to do it on my own" mentality? or are we able to join/partner/support existing programs that are already running so that we do not waste resources? (and have an open door to share the good news with them as well)"

"Are we connected only through a Christian network? How about connecting with other workers and NGOs (even if they are not Christians)? Are we that exclusive (or seem to be that exclusive)?"

"Why are we not partnering or working with other groups? Is it because we failed to see that joining them (and in the process be a witness to them) is much more effective than getting them to cross over the barriers to join us? Or is it because the rigid institutional structure does not permit us to do so?"

These questions certainly makes me feel frustrated, and especially so when I am not in Timor. Perhaps it is because I've seen similar things like this happen in Cambodia, in Timor and even in Singapore. The followers of Jesus must stop being exclusive amongst themselves, and amongst other people. No church belongs to itself, and no members belong to his own church alone. All belong to Christ and are in Christ. You and I are the body - whether you're a full time worker or not. We must break out of our 'exclusive' mould.

My conclusion: The need to spend time with people who are doing a great job in Timor - Christians or not - is necessary. We better go with a humble heart or fail trying.

2nd Year Anniversary

Time really flies by. This is the exact day I left East Timor 2 years ago. The immigration stamp on my passport reminded me of my short-lived days there. I have learned much in these 2 years and for that, I am grateful.

I am just wondering how long my patience will last. It is indeed wearing thin. Very soon, it will be the 3rd year. Will I be back by then? Or will I still be in Singapore? Am I now a bird in a cage? Or a bird in training? Maybe I am both. Both are well-fed and well-taken care of. But neither one taste real freedom.

Ah, do I see water in the desert and streams in the wasteland? Only God will show. I will commit my life to you O God, and I will go when the time is up, God willing.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Hope in Him and praise Him. For He is my Saviour and my God" ~ taken from the Psalms


Halo Orasaun - A Prayer
Nai Jesus, ajuda hau hare ita-bot. Ita-bot bele loke odamatan. Ita-bot bele fo hau esperansa. Hau sei hare Ita-bot. Hau sei tuir Ita-bot. Hau fiar Ita-bot. Hau hadomi Ita-bot. Nai Jesus, mai, mai. Mai ajuda Timor. Mai ajuda hau fila fali. Hau fiar Ita-bot.

Oh Timor. Hau hadomi O (I love you)

Today is a busy day of packing my stuffs. This is one thing I dislike the most, i.e. having to move house. As I begin to throw away unwanted items and organize many others, I came across some unknown CDs and DVDs. One of them was written "East Timor Video 1 & 2". The words didn't ring a bell so I decided to stop my packing and watch the DVD.

It was April 27 to May 1 2006. The situation in East Timor was volatile and as the team arrived, we were caught in the middle of a riot. Houses were torched and mobs were walking around the streets with machete. We managed to turn around and went past the eastern roads before it got blocked too. We could see smoke from burning houses rising high as we drove up the hills to Bacau and Los Palos. It was a very sad sight.

The eastern part was peaceful. The medical team was able to help many Timorese and the rest of the team cheer up the villagers with balloons and songs. There were children everywhere - smiling and grinning at us as if they never knew poverty or the state the country is in. They were full of innocence, energy and life - they had so much potential, so much good in them. The video went on to challenge the audience to respond. "God has spoken. Is He speaking to you?", "Children children children everywhere. My heart cries every time I see them", "A part of me was left behind in the village when I left". As I continue to watch and remember the people, I began to wept.

I wept that we are so far off and so helpless to help. I wept that the people have only seen us, their friends only once, and perhaps never to see us again. I wept that there are so many children who will be growing up in a lost world. I wept that there are a lack of workers who will bring the good news to them that all their needs might be met. I wept that it has been almost 2 years since I last talk to a Timorese and laugh with them. I wept because God is filling my heart once again with His love for them. I just wept again and again over those faces - every single one of them, so precious in the sight of God.

"O God. How long must I tarry on? Forgive my impatience. Please send workers, even I, that your will be done. That your love will bind the wounds of the broken-hearted, and your power will set them free. Please Lord. Please Lord. Have mercy on them and on us.

Timor Assurance

It was a good trip down to Timor. God has blessed me so much. First of all, He provided for my financial needs in going there. And secondly, I've had some unexpected divine appointments with certain friends and people there. There was nothing 'great' that happened. I got to see some of friends, visit some places and find out more about possible work there. The most memorable thing I took back is God's reminder of His call for me to serve Him there.

After one and a half year out of Timor, I began to wonder if God is telling me something else - i.e. Timor is not the place. Although I was quite certain that God had called me to serve Him there in end 2005, I have this lingering doubt if God is telling or showing me something else now. I am human after all, and being out of Timor for one and half year did smother some of my passion for her. Is God done with me in Timor? I was ready to surrender if God says my work in Timor is over and that He will placed me somewhere else to serve His purpose. But God is not fnished with me in Timor.

On the day I was supposed to leave, I got an unexpected divine appointment and attended a prayer meeting. My initial plan was actually to do some last minute walking and 'shopping' around town but somehow, I ended up in that prayer meeting that morning. As I was worshipping God in a song in Tetun, God touched my heart - He 'told' me that His glory will fill Timor, and that He is not done with me there. I couldn't help bursting out in tears. God is so good. He is always on time. And He knows exactly what I needed at this point of my life - His assurance. Praise God! Praise His Holy Name!!! Forever and ever more. Amen.

"Back" to Cambodia

During my waiting days, as I was seeking God for directions, I saw a vision of a photograph of myself with smiling children in a poor village. The children had darker skin tones and I thought to myself, "Lord, who are these children and where is this place?" My first thought was Cambodia. I did not know many countries with children that looked like those in the vision and I thought Cambodia seems very likely. Some time later, I realised that those children could be East Timor children as I went to East Timor. Cambodia by then was far away in my mind as my heart sank roots in East Timor. Little did I know that the Lord would provide me an opportunity to go to Cambodia, the destination I first thought of.

What a priviledge. I am so grateful to God for this opportunity to learn, to serve and to grow in love for Him and His ppl. Hey ppl, if you think that sacrificing to serve God in the missions field is a big thing, it really is not. I would not even consider it a sacrifice although it does cost me certain things. I say this not to boast nor to feel good with a 'false humility' pretension. No, I am able to say this because God prepared me to give, and I can give each time because He first gave. I can 'sacrifice' because He first sacrificed - for you and for me. Serving in missions do not require you to be a full time worker, but a full time Christian. If your heart so desires, He will see that desire which pleases Him and He will send you to the field. It could be long term or short term but it does not matter. What matters is that you have gone out to love others, and you have pleased Him with your heart.

About Timor - Why wait?

A few days ago, I was crying out to God and asking how long more do I have to be away from East Timor. I can sense the pain of the people and I can see their faces and my heart was broken. God spoke to my heart. "I've shown you the land and you have been there and tasted it. But now I have drawn you out for a time of training. And I want you to pray and cry out for this land." Having lived there and seen what Timor is like, I certainly was able to pray more specifically. And not able to go back at the moment makes my heart sick and the more I longed to be back, the more fervent I prayed for the land. Come to think of it, it does not seem unreasonable for God to take me out so that I may developed a deeper hunger to intercede for East Timor. It is a time of conditioning - to condition in me an attitude of intercession for the land; whether I'm away or not. As I looked back at the time I spent in Timor, I could honestly say that I have not spend as much time praying for Timor then as I am now and I was certainly not as serious in my prayers for Timor when I was there than now. Praise God for this revelation.

During these few days, I have also been presented with opportunities to go back to East Timor. I have now 3 opportunities to go back to East Timor and all I had to do is say "Yes" to the 'invitations' and I'll be back to my homeland. I was wondering why these opportunties pop up in quick succession and suddenly, God spoke to my heart. "Son, look at all these opportunities I have shown you. If I want you to be back in Timor, you will be back. All I had to do is snap my fingers and thousands of doors will be opened to you. Do not worry about open doors and how you will be going back. When the time comes, you will be back." How true this is. God is showing me His power in this and teaching me to trust Him more.

I'm not sure why but I sense something powerful will happen when I go back to East Timor after I have undergo my training in Cambodia and also in Singapore; having learnt a lot more about the art of waiting, praying and seeking His face. This is indeed a season of conditioning my spiritual 'muscles' and training for what is ahead. I can sense the excitement in me and I rejoice in this waiting period of my life. As one of my friends said, "Waiting time is never wasted time". Amen.

End of the Timor Road?

Yeap, my volunteer contract with WV had been terminated as the youth centre project has been closed indefinitely. It's strange that I felt as if a bombshell had been dropped on me but perhaps as a human, I still do have some emotion after all. Perhaps in s split second, I felt as if my tenure in East Timor is over. Is that true? Coming back to my senses, I slapped myself up and draw my assurances from God again. Of cos it's not true my stint in East Timor is over - as long as God had not say so. My friend's email from East Timor is very encouraging as she said there are plenty of work to be done there. So what is the next step? Go hunt for a volunteer job? No, I still believe that I have to continue to pray for directions till God show me the way, confirm it and send me. Praise God that there are plenty of opportunities in Timor, and even Ps Jonathan's visit to S'pore is no coincidence. It all linked again. Perhaps it's going to be a fresh start to a new thing in East Timor for me, or a temporary stopover for me in S'pore for further training & equipping and then to go back. Though my emotions sometimes roar like the raging sea when I felt so helpless(in that I cannot be there right now to be with the ppl), but in God's presence I can find my rest and in His grace I can draw strength. No way will I let my emotions get the better of me. I will choose to praise Him and shed all my tears in prayer.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God" ~ Psalm 42:11

When the doors seem closed

I must say this is one of the most trying time of my life. When I looked back, I knew God had prepared me for such a time. It's a growth process and there's no shortcut. There were at least 3 occasions in my life where things are uncertain and each time, the uncertainty grew bigger. I was wondering whether I had made the correct decision to resign and go to Tungling bible college when God reassured me on the first day that it was correct. I was wondering what I will be doing after Tungling when Ps Ben suggest me teaching Nigel with an intensive program and I did it. I was wondering what I will be doing after finishing my stint with Nigel when God opened the door for full time tuition. And still, I was wondering what I will be doing when God told me to stop tuition and later realised that He had opened the door for me to go East Timor by the year end of '05.

And now, I am away from East Timor and wondering where I will be heading next. Why do I say it is tougher this time? In the past uncertainties, I had nothing in mind so there was nothing really to struggle with when God says 'Go there' or 'Do this'. This time it is different. I have been to East Timor and found my place there. My heart beats for it. Somehow, you just know that that is THE place for you. But now I am away and as the days trickled by, there appears to be less and less hope of going back at this moment. There is no reply from the other side. There is yet to be a hint or direction from God about going back now. Am I losing hope of returning? I am a little now. Humans can't help it and I'm one. But I will not despair.

When the doors seem closed
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
For a season of meaning and for a timely reason of moulding
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
For my God knows best, and in Him I will surely rest
Why the bruised knocks? Why the loud despair?
It is only a second, It will soon come to an end
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
When the doors finally open, I will enter in great delight

By Jason