What you dwell on does matter

I have just read through the book of Numbers and I wonder to myself, "My goodness, the Israelites are certainly fond of complaining! They complain just about everything!" Then as if the book suddenly became a mirror by itself, I asked, "How different am I from them? Maybe not very much."

It is so easy to complain, and often, we feel so shiok* after complaining. Complaining in itself is not something bad or sinful. There were times when complains are good and valid, and there were times when complains are not good, and even sinful. The Bible has examples for both.

What I want to say is that more often than not, complains tend to form a negative 'cloud' with the people we're complaining with. So instead of helping you to let off steam, it actually makes you more negative and angry over the person you're complaining about.

If you're in such an environment (work, school or family), you will notice that slowly, but surely, your joy is being sapped away. Even though you have every right to justify your complains, and tell yourself that you're not bitter about the person, your joy will just be suck away because your thoughts are always in a complain mood.

It is no wonder Paul tells us to think of "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy."(Phil 4:8) That is a process of renewing the mind.

A couple of days ago, I was reading a book called "Love is a Verb" by Gary Chapman and there was a story inside about a married couple in trouble. The wife was so upset with the husband that one day she listed down all his faults. But she also listed his qualities that first attracted her to him and she found that his qualities were more than his faults. She did the same for herself and found that she has more faults than him and realized that she needs to get herself right first before pointing the finger.

So what she did was that she kept a list of her husband's good qualities in her purse and read it daily and then weekly. She also work on her negative traits.

She said, "Surprisingly, I soon gained new respect for my husband and my love returned richer than ever. As I changed for the better, Duane treated me with renewed love and respect and his criticism ceased."

So I thought, well, let me try. So I wrote down a list of the good qualities of a certain someone that I do not particularly like. Let me tell you that it was hard trying to pen down good qualities of the person but it was worth a try.

I would not say there is instant renewal of the mind but that exercise was good. It was good to be reminded of someone's good qualities, and not always think about the bad ones which makes you want to start complaining(and sometimes can't stop). It was good to be reminded that you are not much better in the sense that you have faults as much as another person has. This humbles the proud soul. And finally, it was good to have joy returned to you, and to remind you to be grateful for everything that you have, including the person who irritates you(and in the process, moulds you in your character).

So my dear friends, what you dwell on does matter. Try the exercise of writing down a list of the good qualities of the person you do not like most, and remind yourself daily of the qualities. Try it and tell me what happens. God bless.