"Wah, you are really emotionless!", so said many who knew me and have seen my reaction to supposedly exciting events. Going abroad to somewhere, joining a ship, having various opportunties to work with something new were some of the things that might excite many but to me, it is just like any other day. Don't get me wrong - I am contented and happy, but my heart will not be racing and feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline that will make me want to burst out. That's excitement. It has now been almost a year since I last felt some form of excitement and today, I got my emotion back(for those of you who claimed I am emotionless :> ).
You must have guess it right. East Timor is on the map again and that's not all. Before I was informed of the upcoming plan to visit it, I had felt in my heart that I should visit it sometime soon too. Ever since I left Timor, I have been praying to return/visit but have not felt this way although my friend had encouraged me to visit Timor sometime last year. It was only recently that I felt I should/must go back to see the country again and visit some folks there. And what a wonderful 'confirmation' it is when I was informed of the visitation plan. Alas, the excitment only lasted a few seconds. So until I step foot on Timor soil again and smell it, you can say I am emotionless :)
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Old Self & Timely Wisdom
If you think Primary 1 children are adorable, you are right and sometimes, it is hard to imagine what little monsters they can be. Two very interesting thing happened to me a week ago and I am once again reminded of 2 things. No.1 - I am reminded of how human I am and how my very own human nature behaves. No.2 - When there's a right action to take, just do it. The wisdom to handle it will come from God.
Here's the story. We had a computer class for the P1 and one of the boys was punished by my colleague. He was stopped from using the computer until he behaves himself but he didn't and continued disturbing the girl next to him. I hit his hands but he still tried to mess up the girl's typing so I raised my voice at him and grabbed him, intending to make him stand in front of the class. He began talking away(it sounded more like a defence than a protest) and he held on to the pillar. I took his hands and legs off the pillar but the little fella kept talking and held on to the pillar again for dear life. Ok, I thought there must be something in those words and asked for translation. It turned out that all he wanted was to sit in another PC because he dislike the girl, and that is why he refused to do his work and disturb the other girl.
I was stunned by this 'bizzare' reason and situation and I didn't know what to do. So my very unrighteous human nature took over and I asked my colleague what he'll do. "So how? What do you think?", pretending to know-it-all and make him feel that I am testing him in classroom management. He looked at me uneasily and you know that he does not know what to do. The old-self-me asked him a second time, hoping that I can get away with this sticky situation but his reaction is still the same. Come to think of it, if I were him, I would expect the "smarter" foreigner(who's supposed to teach me "everything") to make the right decision.
So the chips fall back to me - should I allow the boy to sit on another PC as requested or not? Time is ticking away and I can't be staring blankly back at my colleague, can I? In a split second, as if given instructions by another person to relay a message, I told the boy that if he wants to sit on another PC, he must behave himself and not talk. These words also came out, "If you're nice to us, then we will also be nice to you. But if you're naughty, then you are not nice to us and we will also not be nice to you. You understand?" He nodded his head and said yes to everything but I wondered whether he really agreed or just conveniently said 'yes' to get out of the situation. He was also angry and upset at the same time. Anyway, I think that he really understood it all when he said goodbye and thankyou to me in the Khmer way(both hands clasp together like when we're praying) at the end of the class. (Not many from his class did that) And by the way, the word 'nice' is used because it is easiest for them to understand and good for 'children talk'.
After lunch, I saw the boy again and he was all smiles to me, and we talked a little bit in my limited Khmer and his limited English. I really thank God that He gave me the wisdom to handle that difficult situation and how He showed me how vunerable we can be in moments of "danger". That the ugly side of us will rear its head out again in these moments but it is indeed a good reminder of how frail we are. And how we must continuously seek God for help in our weaknesses and do away with more of our flesh.
Ask Him for Wisdom - James 1:5
Put off the old self and put on the new self - Ephesian 4:22-24
Here's the story. We had a computer class for the P1 and one of the boys was punished by my colleague. He was stopped from using the computer until he behaves himself but he didn't and continued disturbing the girl next to him. I hit his hands but he still tried to mess up the girl's typing so I raised my voice at him and grabbed him, intending to make him stand in front of the class. He began talking away(it sounded more like a defence than a protest) and he held on to the pillar. I took his hands and legs off the pillar but the little fella kept talking and held on to the pillar again for dear life. Ok, I thought there must be something in those words and asked for translation. It turned out that all he wanted was to sit in another PC because he dislike the girl, and that is why he refused to do his work and disturb the other girl.
I was stunned by this 'bizzare' reason and situation and I didn't know what to do. So my very unrighteous human nature took over and I asked my colleague what he'll do. "So how? What do you think?", pretending to know-it-all and make him feel that I am testing him in classroom management. He looked at me uneasily and you know that he does not know what to do. The old-self-me asked him a second time, hoping that I can get away with this sticky situation but his reaction is still the same. Come to think of it, if I were him, I would expect the "smarter" foreigner(who's supposed to teach me "everything") to make the right decision.
So the chips fall back to me - should I allow the boy to sit on another PC as requested or not? Time is ticking away and I can't be staring blankly back at my colleague, can I? In a split second, as if given instructions by another person to relay a message, I told the boy that if he wants to sit on another PC, he must behave himself and not talk. These words also came out, "If you're nice to us, then we will also be nice to you. But if you're naughty, then you are not nice to us and we will also not be nice to you. You understand?" He nodded his head and said yes to everything but I wondered whether he really agreed or just conveniently said 'yes' to get out of the situation. He was also angry and upset at the same time. Anyway, I think that he really understood it all when he said goodbye and thankyou to me in the Khmer way(both hands clasp together like when we're praying) at the end of the class. (Not many from his class did that) And by the way, the word 'nice' is used because it is easiest for them to understand and good for 'children talk'.
After lunch, I saw the boy again and he was all smiles to me, and we talked a little bit in my limited Khmer and his limited English. I really thank God that He gave me the wisdom to handle that difficult situation and how He showed me how vunerable we can be in moments of "danger". That the ugly side of us will rear its head out again in these moments but it is indeed a good reminder of how frail we are. And how we must continuously seek God for help in our weaknesses and do away with more of our flesh.
Ask Him for Wisdom - James 1:5
Put off the old self and put on the new self - Ephesian 4:22-24
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Give due credit and respect
Ever heard of this 'catch' phrase we foreigners often use when we are in a third world country? "Oh, we must EMPOWER the locals. Must teach them this and that and EMPOWER them." Let me clarify. I have nothing against imparting knowledge and skills, and I certainly think it is good to help the local people to learn certain skills that will enable them to do certain things independently. But sometimes, we are so conditioned in our minds about our "superiority" as a foreigner that we don't even realise that sometimes we belittle the locals. We always talk a lot about helping them to gain confidence and be independent but our words sometimes suggest otherwise. I have this Khmer staff working with me on computers and the picture painted to him is that I am some sort of rocket scientist that will 'impart' to him all my skills and know-how. I got to work with him once before I officially joined the team and I noticed that he knows his computer stuffs well and he has a natural analytical mind that is very good for computers. It is true that there are stuffs I know which he doesn't but he already knows quite a fair bit and that's quite something for a person without a formal computer education and who started off working as a security guard!
It's the afternoon and the "encouraging" words rang loud and clear again in the office and I could see the cleverly concealed embarrassed look on his face. Well, I sincerely believe those words are really meant to encourage him but it is put in such a way that it doesn't sound like it, at least not to an adult. Maybe a child will think of it as an encouragement to learn but to me, it really sound like belittlement. Perhaps the person trying to encourage him do not know where his computer skills level is at but still, that cannot be an excuse for being insensitive. I happen to hear something similar in 3 different occasions and each time, I can see that his head is slightly bowed, as if to agree that he knows next to nothing. It is no wonder why some local people never rise up. And that's because we still treat them like little children, not trusting them to do a good job and not giving them room for failures so that they can learn. Let us treat them as adults and not little children, and give them respect and credit where it is due. Phil 2:3
It's the afternoon and the "encouraging" words rang loud and clear again in the office and I could see the cleverly concealed embarrassed look on his face. Well, I sincerely believe those words are really meant to encourage him but it is put in such a way that it doesn't sound like it, at least not to an adult. Maybe a child will think of it as an encouragement to learn but to me, it really sound like belittlement. Perhaps the person trying to encourage him do not know where his computer skills level is at but still, that cannot be an excuse for being insensitive. I happen to hear something similar in 3 different occasions and each time, I can see that his head is slightly bowed, as if to agree that he knows next to nothing. It is no wonder why some local people never rise up. And that's because we still treat them like little children, not trusting them to do a good job and not giving them room for failures so that they can learn. Let us treat them as adults and not little children, and give them respect and credit where it is due. Phil 2:3
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