About 2 weeks ago, I was (still) seeking the Lord for directions when suddenly I realise something. I realise I had the same foolishness I had not too long ago with regards to seeking the will of God. A couple of years ago, I told God that I will go and serve anywhere except back in the corporate world. This time round, I told God I will go anywhere and no conditions, but there's a lingering plan in my heart.
The first time round, God chose not to say anything until I realise my foolishness and I told God that even if I had to go back to the corporate world, I will obey. Shortly after that point of surrender, my direction became clear and soon I was engaged in what God wants me to do. This time round, God chose not to say anything until I realise that I was as foolish as before and surrender to Him. The only difference is this time round, my condition wasn't exactly explicit, but it was a condition that has already garnered strength in my heart.
I told God I will do anything, go anywhere - I thought I had surrendered totally. But deep in my heart, I still had a lingering thought that I will just do something here for maybe a maximum of one year, preferably a few months, before going back to the field. So I prayed and asked but nothing seems to come out of my prayer. But as I was praying that day, God revealed to me my foolishness. It was a repeated 'mistake'. I had in fact a certain idea or plan on how things should work out and this to God is a form of condition; even though I had said I'll do anything and anywhere. God wants me to give Him my control of time as well, not just the kind of work and kind of place. In short, He wants my total surrender.
Thanks be to God for revealing the thoughts of my deceitful heart to me! I have learned of my foolishness once again and God has again show that He is faithful. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"~Jer 29:13. It goes to show that we are very much at times like the obstinate Israelites in the bible - making the same mistakes after learning them. But God is gracious and always teaching us. I learned once again of my human foolishness and I thank God that the way ahead is starting to get clearer.
If you are seeking God, still yourself and spend some quiet time asking the Holy Spirit to search you first of all. And you'll be amazed or should I say shock when God reveals to you the reason why you are not hearing.
"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them ~ Matt 15:16
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