Seek Me, seek not the answer.

Where are you going? What will you be doing? When are you going? Are you interested in anyone? These are familiar questions to me for the past 1 year and 9 months. The year and months do not seem very long but for a waiting person, it looks like it is going on forever. It has been a waiting journey and it is certainly tough when I'm faced with those questions again, not so much from others than myself.

Through this time of waiting, I thank God that I have learned many many things which I would not have the chance to learn had I not been back. It has been a worthwhile stretch of faith, not that it is ending anytime soon, but I have grown. But when I look at the present situation again, reality sets in. No definite answers, no definite directions. Am I losing my hearing? Am I losing my walk with God? Not at all. Am I then saying God is silent? Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe I am just not hearing, maybe I am seeking God the wrong way. And indeed I was foolish when you look at my previous post. As I was asking God for an answer to a question, He seems to be saying, "Seek me, seek not the answer".

That was something to think about. If I seek Him with all my heart, I will find Him as Jeremiah 29:13 says. So then am I seeking God so that I will know Him more and love Him more or am I just seeking for an answer so that I can get out of my present situation? Is my focus right? There is a subtle deceitfulness of the heart in this seeking, isn't it? As I reflect upon my seeking of Him, I realise I need to seek Him as Lord, Savior and Friend. Not as some encyclopedia to provide me with answers; though He does give us answers for our lives and more than willing to do so than we thought He would. So if I seek Him with all my heart, I will find Him. And if I find Him, I will find the answers to all my questions.

O Lord, how great is your wisdom and your faithfulness! Though in my human weaknesses, I fret and imagine the worst, I know you will not fail me. If you have given your only son for me, what else will you withhold from me that which is good? No Lord, you will not let me go to the deeps of darkness without you nor will you leave me aimless and lost in a strange land. You will guide me, lead me and be my God forever. This journey will not be mine, but ours.

Father God, help me to seek you with all my heart. Give me just enough light for the next step ahead. Do not give me too much or I will go ahead of you. Do not give me too little or I might fall and blame you. Lord, guide me in what I should be doing, and if a certain relationship is meant to be. I will put my trust in You. I love you Lord. Thank you so much. Thank you for all that You are, all that You have given, and all the love you have showered upon me. I rest in You.
Love,
Your child