My faithful God who is always near

It is strange how we naturally draw near to God in times of pain and felt Him so much closer than before. I spend more time praying, reading His word and reflecting. I began to enjoy and speak with delight His words because they meant so much more to me now as I can identify with the meanings much more than before. I felt I became 'sharper' spiritually. Am I in denial? No, I don't think so. My feelings still bother me and yesterday I thank God for a group of friends to have dinner with. Otherwise I would have felt really flat.

But why do we draw so much nearer to God and felt His closeness so much more only in times of trial? I wish in 'normal' days I am clinging on to Him as much as I am now. But each season brings a different thing and although this is a painful time, I am relishing it too because I understood a little better of people who suffered in the past. My current pain is nothing at all when compared to great missionaries and saints of the past but like I said, I understand a little better of what they felt - on how they cling on to God in times of great pain and suffering when they are struck with diseases, their children and wives passing away and various troubles. My disappointment served as an encouragement to me to walk closer to God, and to run with perseverance the race marked out for me.

Like my friend said, "It was not too late nor too slow. It was all in God's timing." I couldn't agree more. It was in God's good timing and providence that I was able to share, get an answer, understood it all, and to love Him better. He had a marvellous purpose, He orchestrate the events and He allowed me to go through it that I might know my heart and Christ better. Yea, looking back, the events that have occurred cannot be a coincidence. In fact, if it wasn't for God's hand in it, I might have gotten it worse. So thanks be to God! for He is faithful and good. Amen.

Disappointments and His plans

I don't know how to write this. The human soul is a strange thing. While I know the word of God and have came to an understanding of the situation(and have accepted it), my feelings just don't tally with what I have accepted. It is a strange mechanism that no one knows except the Lord. God met me in this morning's devotion and I cried like a baby. My, I haven't felt so good tearing like this since September last year(where God met me in Timor).

How did God meet me? We were singing, "We will give you glory...and honour. We will lift our hands to praise You. We exalt your Holy name." Can I really do this in this state? I realise I can by the grace of God. Despite my disappointment and what I'm feeling deep inside, I can still praise God. It is a song of surrender. To choose to praise Him despite my hurts. I begin to understand how some people who are suffering(much worse than me) feel when they sing such songs. What a tribute to God. What an awesome encounter of God in worship.

Having said this, I am still feeling the after-effects of the disappointment. Life's like this isn't it? But with God, it is so much more bearable, and so much more to discover that disappointments are simply steps to greater joy. This is the 2nd 'major' disappointment in the space of 2 years for me. The first is foolishness and the second is a lack of trust in Him. I told Him, "I'm ready to go any time. What's meant to be will be." But alas, my talk is not consistent with my walk. I fret, I imagine & I plan - I wasn't truly ready to go because I have not surrendered my trust to Him. It took yesterday's answer to make me realise that.

But it is also in one of my most down moments that God speak so clearly. I have not got an answer for almost 2 years. But in the midst of this episode, I have it now. He said,"You have a calling. You are going." Yes Lord, I'm truly ready to go. Bring it on.

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know "Thus saith the Lord"

Chorus:
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more

O how sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to trust His cleansing blood
Just in simple faith to plunge me
'Neath the healing cleansing flood

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest and joy and peace

I'm so glad I learned to trust Him
Precious Jesus, Saviour, Friend
And I know that He is with me
Will be with me to the end

Seek Me, seek not the answer.

Where are you going? What will you be doing? When are you going? Are you interested in anyone? These are familiar questions to me for the past 1 year and 9 months. The year and months do not seem very long but for a waiting person, it looks like it is going on forever. It has been a waiting journey and it is certainly tough when I'm faced with those questions again, not so much from others than myself.

Through this time of waiting, I thank God that I have learned many many things which I would not have the chance to learn had I not been back. It has been a worthwhile stretch of faith, not that it is ending anytime soon, but I have grown. But when I look at the present situation again, reality sets in. No definite answers, no definite directions. Am I losing my hearing? Am I losing my walk with God? Not at all. Am I then saying God is silent? Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe I am just not hearing, maybe I am seeking God the wrong way. And indeed I was foolish when you look at my previous post. As I was asking God for an answer to a question, He seems to be saying, "Seek me, seek not the answer".

That was something to think about. If I seek Him with all my heart, I will find Him as Jeremiah 29:13 says. So then am I seeking God so that I will know Him more and love Him more or am I just seeking for an answer so that I can get out of my present situation? Is my focus right? There is a subtle deceitfulness of the heart in this seeking, isn't it? As I reflect upon my seeking of Him, I realise I need to seek Him as Lord, Savior and Friend. Not as some encyclopedia to provide me with answers; though He does give us answers for our lives and more than willing to do so than we thought He would. So if I seek Him with all my heart, I will find Him. And if I find Him, I will find the answers to all my questions.

O Lord, how great is your wisdom and your faithfulness! Though in my human weaknesses, I fret and imagine the worst, I know you will not fail me. If you have given your only son for me, what else will you withhold from me that which is good? No Lord, you will not let me go to the deeps of darkness without you nor will you leave me aimless and lost in a strange land. You will guide me, lead me and be my God forever. This journey will not be mine, but ours.

Father God, help me to seek you with all my heart. Give me just enough light for the next step ahead. Do not give me too much or I will go ahead of you. Do not give me too little or I might fall and blame you. Lord, guide me in what I should be doing, and if a certain relationship is meant to be. I will put my trust in You. I love you Lord. Thank you so much. Thank you for all that You are, all that You have given, and all the love you have showered upon me. I rest in You.
Love,
Your child

Seeking God? Drop all conditions, I mean ALL.

About 2 weeks ago, I was (still) seeking the Lord for directions when suddenly I realise something. I realise I had the same foolishness I had not too long ago with regards to seeking the will of God. A couple of years ago, I told God that I will go and serve anywhere except back in the corporate world. This time round, I told God I will go anywhere and no conditions, but there's a lingering plan in my heart.

The first time round, God chose not to say anything until I realise my foolishness and I told God that even if I had to go back to the corporate world, I will obey. Shortly after that point of surrender, my direction became clear and soon I was engaged in what God wants me to do. This time round, God chose not to say anything until I realise that I was as foolish as before and surrender to Him. The only difference is this time round, my condition wasn't exactly explicit, but it was a condition that has already garnered strength in my heart.

I told God I will do anything, go anywhere - I thought I had surrendered totally. But deep in my heart, I still had a lingering thought that I will just do something here for maybe a maximum of one year, preferably a few months, before going back to the field. So I prayed and asked but nothing seems to come out of my prayer. But as I was praying that day, God revealed to me my foolishness. It was a repeated 'mistake'. I had in fact a certain idea or plan on how things should work out and this to God is a form of condition; even though I had said I'll do anything and anywhere. God wants me to give Him my control of time as well, not just the kind of work and kind of place. In short, He wants my total surrender.

Thanks be to God for revealing the thoughts of my deceitful heart to me! I have learned of my foolishness once again and God has again show that He is faithful. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"~Jer 29:13. It goes to show that we are very much at times like the obstinate Israelites in the bible - making the same mistakes after learning them. But God is gracious and always teaching us. I learned once again of my human foolishness and I thank God that the way ahead is starting to get clearer.

If you are seeking God, still yourself and spend some quiet time asking the Holy Spirit to search you first of all. And you'll be amazed or should I say shock when God reveals to you the reason why you are not hearing.

"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them ~ Matt 15:16

My Jesus, I Love Thee

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
~ William R.Featherston

Is Jesus my delight?

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" I remember telling my Doulos friends this verse from Phil 4:4 as one of my favourite verses. Not too long ago, I was feeling great and full of joy and satisfaction in my journey but things seemed a little different now. Am I moody, down and sulking now? Not at all, and though I still laugh and enjoy my days, there is something amiss. It just feel different.

Last night's reflection had shown me the answer to this seemingly 'missing' joy. I had forgotten to delight myself in the Lord. Omigosh! Have I backslide? No, I have not. So what do I mean by that? I realise I had been focusing on how to live life that I have forgotten my basis for living. My present circumstances have not been great and I feel myself losing motivation for life. I know God is trying me and stretching my faith, and I have been seeking Him for an answer, for a direction to continue on to the next phase. But not hearing nor seeing anything happening all this while does to a certain extent affect my emotion and as time goes by, the uncertainty weighs heavier and heavier.

I told myself:"I will trust in the Lord!", or so I claimed. But there is this 'heaviness" and a 'certain' joy missing from my life. Mind you, I am still enjoying life - I laugh, I play, I give thanks, I appreciate, I enjoy things, I give, I receive and I am really blessed. BUT I realise there is something missing and I realise I had 'forgotten' my basis for living life. I claim to be lacking motivation in life, but if Jesus is the basis for living an abundant life, then how could I claim otherwise? If I have delighted in Jesus and understood that life is worth the living just because He lives, then how can it be possible that I lack motivation in life?

This is indeed basic understanding revisited. Now I can sing again:"And life is worth the living just because He lives". That is the basis for that 'missing' joy in my life - i.e. to live just because Jesus lives! Isn't that great? Isn't that good enough to give me motivation in life? That is the answer to finding joy in my present circumstances. Delighting in Jesus! Giving thanks and praying to Him sure help in lifting my heaviness but that is not yet delighting in Him. To delight in Him goes beyond our thanksgiving and speaking to Him(though it is part of it). It is to adore Him, to hold Him in such awe, to finally understand that having Him alone is good enough reason for rejoicing in life. That is the basis for my living. I need no other motivation nor could I claim I lack one.

O how I delight in You Lord! How can I not rejoice in life?

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

"Dr.O gave his life to Jesus some months ago and was baptized recently!" my Brazilian friend shared the news with delight. Wow! I'm amazed, and I felt so happy. I'm so grateful that God had touched Dr.O and helped him believe in Jesus, even though his new status meant that many of his friends shunned him.

Thinking back, meeting Dr.O in East Timor has been such a 'divine appointment' from God. I was then having acute pain in my lower right abdomen and was advised to seek medical treatment in case it is appendicitis. My nurse friend contacted Dr.O and told J. and I to seek help from him. When we found him, he had just recovered from dengue fever but proceeded anyway to diagnose my case and gave me treatment and follow-up instructions(he did not even charge me for the medication!). I was very grateful for his kindness and arranged to treat him to a dinner at my place. When J. and I found out about his birthday, we decided to surprise him with a birthday cake.

He was really thrilled on that day as we sang him a birthday song and celebrate his birthday over dinner. We also had a short time of sharing and got to know Dr.O better - even though I had to get J. to translate his Spanish to Portuguese and to English for me to understand. Some time later, we got to know that he had never had such a birthday celebration before and that he was very touched by it.

Fast forward to today, Dr.O had given his life to Jesus and find real meaning and joy. He'll be leaving Timor soon and going back to his dear country. I never knew that that birthday celebration had meant so much to him and that it had brought forth a wonderful friendship between him and J. and finally led him to discover Jesus for himself. Birthday celebration is such a common affair to us that we have taken it for granted. But for another person like Dr.O, it had brought him closer to knowing Christ and it did finally. Ah, what a wonderful God we have. And what a wonderful new birthday for Dr.O in the Kingdom of God.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" and "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven" - Gal 6:9, Matt 5:16

¡Feliz Cumpleaños! = Happy Birthday in Spanish

Another year is dawning

Here's an excellent poem on a new year with the Lord.

Another year is dawning;
dear Father, let it be,
In working or in waiting,
another year with thee.

Another year of progress,
another year of praise,
Another year of proving
Thy presence all the days.

Another year of service,
of witness for thy love;
Another year of training
for holier work above.

Another year is dawning;
dear Father, let it be,
On earth, or else in heaven,
another year for thee.

~ Francis Ridley Havergal

Inconvenience is a good thing

The great thing about being God's child is that you never stop learning(unless you arrogantly chose to), and sometimes even to re-learn something which you thought you already know. As creatures of comfort, we generally dislike being inconvenienced and we are always capable of coming up with seemingly valid excuses.

My friend had invited me for an event on a day where I had some time but because I prefer to go somewhere else, I politely decline with a vague excuse such as "I might not be free". Internally, I knew that I had time but would rather go somewhere else and hence, I felt that the excuse was justifiable. Sounds valid doesn't it? Of course it does and no one will see any problem with that - Except that this person who invited me is someone I am trying to reach out to.

Aha. That makes a world of difference, doesn't it? As I reflected on my instant decision, I realised how self-serving I was. The truth is that I would rather enjoy myself than to inconvenience myself to go for an event that I was not particularly interested in so that I could reach out to the person. I had intentions to invite this person for a Christmas service and wanted him to come. But what gives me the right to invite the person(and expect him to come) at all when I don't even want to accept his invitation in the first place? That was indeed very selfish. It's as if I'm telling the person, "Hey, come for for this event. Nevermind if you have never step into a church before and may feel awkward. Never mind the inconvenience of finding the place and having to use up your precious holiday time for this event. Nevermind if I didn't accept your invitation. This is more important. It will change your life. You got to come!" Sounds hypocritical, doesn't it?

It's a great lesson to be learn and I thank God for His exposure of my self-service. I've since accepted my friend's invitation and looking forward to building a stronger friendship which will enabled me to speak into his life as God directs me. Every moment is an opportunity. If you expect your friends to inconvenience themselves to come for your church's service and to listen to some "speech", then you better be ready to inconvenience yourself and respond to your friend first.

After all, Jesus did more than just inconvenience Himself to save us. Our inconvenience is nothing really. So don't let your own comfort deprive someone of hearing Christ. Make the right inconvenient choice today.

Get In Touch!!!

I don't know if you have or realize this pattern but I certainly do. The pattern goes like this - it is almost Good Friday, Easter or Christmas time and you picked up your phone to give your non-believing friend an sms or a call. "Hi, how are you? Would you like to come to my church this Sunday......" The reason: It is an evangelistic service and you would like to get your friends to come down and hear the gospel and prayerfully they respond.

While there is nothing wrong with inviting your friends, have you notice that you only sms or call them because it is an evangelistic event? On other normal days, you hardly sms or call them. So what am I trying to say? I am trying to say that we must make an effort to build up our friendship with non-believing friends. We should not only remember them when an evangelistic event draws near but treat them as we should have treated our cell group members. An occasional call, sms and meet-up IS necessary to keep in touch and to be an effective witness for Christ.

Everyone wants friends that genuinely cherish friendships. This sincerity is shown by your effort in maintaining contact and being real to them. Popping by last minute to invite friends you have not met for some time is akin to calling up your long-time friends with the intention of selling them insurance policies. I am not saying that we should not invite friends we have not met for a long time but ideally, we should have make an effort to keep in touch with them much earlier even before any evangelistic events. Because logically speaking, if my friend(who have not kept in touch with me for a long time) were to suddenly call me up and invite me to church, I would imagine him to be similar to some dude trying to sell me MLM products.

I hope you're getting what I mean. While shortcuts are possible, it can easily back-fire and put your friends off. I realized this recently and I am making an effort to meet my non-believer friends for dinner or other activities. They are not just worth inviting for evangelistic events, but worth spending my time with. Jesus died for them so that they can be saved, will you not spend some time with them to make Jesus's death worthwhile? Let's not be caught up in our own little 'christian world' where we spend 365 days with christians only.

Get out and get in touch today!!!

Your small acts of kindness matters

It has been a while since I last stopped to talk to a new tissue aunty. I occasionally talk to this aunty that I've mention in my blog last year but I haven't really stop to talk to other tissue sellers in recent times. Apathy and rushing for appointments are 2 main excuses I use to squirm my way out of blessing these people which many of us come across. What a shame, isn't it?

So there I was on my way back that I met this new tissue aunty on a wheelchair. Business must have been tough because she was so grateful when I bought her tissue. So as I converse with her, she spoke about why she is selling tissue. "I stay alone and I have to earn some money to buy "pampers" when there is not enough. No choice. Otherwise I will soil myself" said the auntie. That must have been a tough statement to say - imagine telling a stranger that you are in a health condition where you can't control your bowels, and you had to stay alone AND earn money yourself.

I decided to help out a little and pass her some money discreetly. "This is for you aunty. You can use it to buy food or to buy drinks or to use it in whatever ways you want..." I tried my best to water down the money giving act so that she will not feel she is some kind of beggar. (Not further damaging the dignity of a poor person is something that we must be highly sensitive of)

When she received the money, she started tearing and thanking me. I was shocked(by the fact that this little act had meant so much to her) I then told her that Jesus loves her and I was glad to find out that she believes in Jesus too. I will never forget those tears of joy and gratefulness on her face. Perhaps she thought everyone had forgotten about her, but God did not. Perhaps it was an answer to her prayer for provision from God. Perhaps it was an affirmation of God's promise that He will take care of her. Nevertheless, God met her that day. I was just a passer-by that God used.

There are just too many broken hearts out in the world today. If only we will slow down, pause, and listen to them. To talk to them and share with them. Our life can make so much a difference to another person's life more than we think it can. Our small acts of kindness matters. To them, and to Jesus.

"For i was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply,' I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least brothers of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:35-40

Festival of Light

Today I celebrated Deepavali, a major Indian festival significant in Hinduism , Jainism and Sikhism. It is popularly known as the "Festival of Light," where the lights or lamps signify the uplighting of darkness and victory of good over the evil within. Sounds familiar? Yes, similarities of the gospel where the great Light has come to the world and triumph over death and darkness.

Though I didn't get the chance to use this analogy to share with my Indian friends, I had a great time fellowshipping with them and got to pray for them when I was invited to say grace for the food. It really is a slow process but it is a good stepping stone to building deeper relationship and to shine as light before them.

Christmas is coming up and I'm praying for more of them to join me this time and may God opened their hearts even more. With globalization, the missions field is really not too far away from where we stay. Take a trip down to Little India, Golden Mile complex and Peninsula Plaza and you will see many Indians, Thais and Burmese. And there are many other nationalities in your workplace and neighbourhood too. So let us all take a good look at the field and realise this soon. The world is waiting to hear from us.

"Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." John 4:35

Everything in His time

The end chorus of Corinne May's song, Everything in its time, goes like this - "...I promise you, the answer will come. Hold on to patience and watch for the sign. Everything in its time...".

I think patience(waiting) is one of the toughest thing to learn in our world today. We want instant answers, quick solutions and equate patience as being laid back. You feel there are eyes looking at you and 'questioning' your wait - most the time, these are really our own imagination and prideful fear.

Waiting is really 'hard work' because you have to find something meaningful to do while waiting and sometimes you wonder if what you're doing is purposeful or not. This calls for a tough mental workout because the battle is in the mind. You'll be tempted to flirt with rash decisions, go with your emotions and make choices with poor reasons. If we don't get the Word of God into our hearts and minds, we are finished in this world. Our decisions will always pain us.

The song aptly sang the things we ought to do while waiting, i.e. to hold on to patience and watch for the sign. If we truly believe that God is in control and that He has the best interest for us, then we can do that. We can then brush aside what we're feeling right now and not make a decision based on it. We can say no to taking certain actions because we know for sure that God had not spoken - there was no 'sign' from Him.

I think what I've experienced recently made me understand what I've just said a little more. When I saw how God is beginning to open doors to East Timor again, I realised why I had to wait and how my wait has benefited me so richly. I had gained a wealth of knowledge and experience from those who are more experienced in community work and in church planting. My learning fitted perfectly into the new work which I am about to embarked on.

I also waited for another event which I can now thank God for enabling me to wait. It was in a way supernatural. After making my decision, God later on revealed the reasons in a most obvious manner. It was awesome. "...hold on to patience and watch for the sign. Everything in its time...." Hold on my friend. The time will come.

Everything in its time

Everything in its time - Corrinne May
Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Are you losing Jesus's compassion?

On one morning devotion, my friend in bible school shared on Luke 7:12-15 about the compassion of Jesus - how Jesus had compassion on the widow and raised her dead son to life. So often we approached praying for healings and miracles with bravado and thoughts of "will i fail or succeed?", and forgot that compassion should be the factor that drives us to pray for miracles. It was a timely reminder for me. Am I losing my compassion for the lost? Am I connected to Jesus's compassion for those who are hurting in this world? I think I have left His compassion somewhere. It is a wake up call.

As I watched the video about the plight of prostitutes in Cambodia, how young girls were sold or tricked into the sex trade, at one point i couldn't help but wept. I felt so overwhelmed when hearing their stories about their past, their rescue and their present hope. These are the 'lucky' ones that have been rescued. But there are many more out on the streets who do not have this hope. They are living in darkness everyday and they are captives to this trade. Isaiah 61:1-2 rang out loud - "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour." Who will go? Who will rescue them? Who will set them free? Who will bind their broken hearts?

...what can I do? I could only cry out to the Lord. "Father God, save them. Let all who have heard you respond to your call to rescue these helpless children of yours. Yes Lord, your precious children who are created in your own image with value, with dignity, with a purpose and a destiny in their lives. May You rescue them O Lord."

Timor Assurance

It was a good trip down to Timor. God has blessed me so much. First of all, He provided for my financial needs in going there. And secondly, I've had some unexpected divine appointments with certain friends and people there. There was nothing 'great' that happened. I got to see some of friends, visit some places and find out more about possible work there. The most memorable thing I took back is God's reminder of His call for me to serve Him there.

After one and a half year out of Timor, I began to wonder if God is telling me something else - i.e. Timor is not the place. Although I was quite certain that God had called me to serve Him there in end 2005, I have this lingering doubt if God is telling or showing me something else now. I am human after all, and being out of Timor for one and half year did smother some of my passion for her. Is God done with me in Timor? I was ready to surrender if God says my work in Timor is over and that He will placed me somewhere else to serve His purpose. But God is not fnished with me in Timor.

On the day I was supposed to leave, I got an unexpected divine appointment and attended a prayer meeting. My initial plan was actually to do some last minute walking and 'shopping' around town but somehow, I ended up in that prayer meeting that morning. As I was worshipping God in a song in Tetun, God touched my heart - He 'told' me that His glory will fill Timor, and that He is not done with me there. I couldn't help bursting out in tears. God is so good. He is always on time. And He knows exactly what I needed at this point of my life - His assurance. Praise God! Praise His Holy Name!!! Forever and ever more. Amen.

Time waits for no man

I was assigned for hospital visits that week and I got to meet Mr See. Although it was my first time meeting him, my nerves settle down very quickly and I began to enjoy my conversation with him. We spent much time talking about quite a number of things and strange enough, he left a deep impression in me. Perhaps it was the strength he displayed or the joy that shone through despite his failing health. I made up my mind to visit him again next week although I was not on duty.

But the second visit did not materialise. Perhaps I was too busy, perhaps I was too 'lazy'. Perhaps I felt the inconvenience or perhaps I thought there was still time. The days passed quickly and I did not see him that Friday. "Thanks for visiting my dad", her daughter beamed. It was Sunday morning. Mr See had been discharged but unfortunately, he had shingles and so he was not able to attend church service in case the contagious disease spread. I was glad for him and I thought to myself, "Hopefully I'll get to see him in next week's service".

Monday morning. The news came that Mr See had passed away. He had been taken home to meet His Maker; a home that was prepared for him and for us that believed in Jesus. A place where there is no more sorrow, no more tears, no more pain, no more sickness, no more conflicts, no more misunderstandings - a perfect home for a perfect body and mind. There will be singing, and dancing, and celebrations, and joy, and worship of God for Mr See. A loss on earth for us but a gain for him in heaven.

Time is not something we can buy. When it's gone, it's gone. I wish I have spoken to dear Mr See twice but it was not to be. Too many excuses I supposed. Our time on earth is really that short, but even an one-time encounter can make a difference and change things. Time really waits for no man. Seize the opportunity today. And let your light shine.

"When I think of him, he still impressed upon me what joy can do to the person who has it, and to the person who sees it" ~ Jason Lee.

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Conclusion

Please read Part 1 to Part 3 before this post to my thoughts on a loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church.

Here's the conclusion and it's a writing on the Church, i.e. the followers of Christ.

The Church, the body of Christ
We are distinct yet inseparable
We are different yet united
We are unrelated yet one family
We have different gifts but the same work
We have different ministries but the same mission
We have different stories but the same God
The same God who loves us all
The same love that binds us all
The same bond that show us all
That all may know we are His disciples
That all may know His loving kindness
That all may know His name
To God be the glory
                                ~ Jason Lee

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Part 3

I have read of Christians who bash the institutionalised church as unbiblical and even pagan, and calls for a return to 'New Testament styled' churches called house churches. I have heard of 'strange' teachings that promised good health and wealth to all Christians even though that is not truly the case. And there are many more 'controversies' or 'debates' from the Christian community today. How do we account for someone who has benefited and truly believe in Christ through some movements or churches with a 'controversial' theology? Is not God able to turned what is bad to good? Can not God preserve the spiritual health of a growing Christian by showing him the errors in the teachings he is receiving? God is sovereign and we can't really fathom why He allows certain things to happen but we all do know that He works all things together for good to those who love Him.

I feel that unless God has explicitly spoken of and shown His displeasure toward a certain form of ministry, movement or actions of a Christian, we should never judge it by attacking it or condemning it. It is dangerous. Imagined you are attacking or condeming a work that is truly from God - aren't you wasting your time and energy contending with God? And the worse part is you are saying what is pleasing to Him and originated by Him to be some sort of wrongs or evils. I implore you to read Acts 5:27 and Mark 3:22-30 before passing judgement.

To those who are contending that the speaking of tongues and/or spiritual gifts have ceased, please do not condemn such works that are happening today as demonic or unbiblical. And to those who are speaking in tongues and manifesting the gifts of the Holy Spirit, please do not judge churches who do not practice them as dead churches or inferior ones. This is especially so when both parties hold a bias view toward the other. How many of those who said speaking in tongues is gibberish and no longer valid had actually seen or heard for themselves tongues that are truly a foreign language praising God and not ecstatic utterances? How many of those who said gifts are no longer valid and unproven had actually seen a miraculous healing(that is supernatural) or experienced one themselves? How many of those who said the 'non-charismatic' churches are dead had actually seen how they lived their lives as exemplary witnesses for Christ? How many of those who said that 'dead' churches are inferior had actually seen how they devoted themselves to prayer and to a sacrificial work among the poor?

My dear brothers and sisters, let us love each other with an unbias view. After all, won't the above acts glorify God? If it does, why do we still contend with each other and try to strike each other down? Is not each individual accountable to God on that Day? Let us love God and love each other even if we have some differences; especially if those differences do not go as far as having a different gospel which will then require a separation. But love still remains. It will never fail and by our love for each other, all man will know that we are His disciples.

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Part 2

To this we might asked, "What is so radical about what you've just said?" You are right. It sounds 'ordinary' to us and it should be the norm for us, followers of Christ, but we are not really there yet(that is true at least for myself). Consider this:"A young man in Bible school offered to help David Wilkerson years ago when he was ministering on the streets of New York City. Wilkerson asked how much time he spent in prayer. The young man estimated about 20 minutes a day. Wilkerson told him, "Go back young man, Go back for a month and pray for two hours a day, every day for 30 days. When you have done that, come back. Come back, and I might consider turning you loose on the streets where there is murder, rape, violence, and danger. If I sent you out now on 20 minutes a day, I'll be sending a soldier into battle without any weapons, and you would get killed."

How much time do we actually spend praying(talking, pleading & listening) to God? Then someone says, "I spend 16 hours a day praying and doing nothing else!" Will we applaud this person for merely praying? I think not. I think as much as we strive to be radical for Jesus, we must not become extremists that have ideas that are far too lopsided. Praying without reading the word of God and without practising what the word says is not balanced nor radical for Christ in the truest sense; even if it meant the person prayed for 16 hours in one go.

How about someone who comes along and say, "I spend most of my time praying. But I also spend time reading the word of God and practising what it says although the ratio for the former is greater than the latter two." Will you then criticise or judge the person by saying, "You lazy bum! If you spend most of your time praying, who is going to reach out to those in the corporate world? Quit your miserable part time job and go get a real job!" I think too often we are guilty of judging because of our own bias. The above is exaggerated but there are cases that seemed to warrant a 'judgement' and for that, I am equally guilty of. I think having an open and balanced mindset is important.

No one should say "Marketplace ministry is the most effective way of reaching out to the lost" and hence neglect the jobless and marginalised. Nor should anyone say "We must help and give to the poor. They 'deserved' the gospel more than the rich" and hence neglect the people in the corporate world. The church must strike a balance in reaching out to both the rich and the poor because both parties need help and both parties are spiritually lost. Granted that some churches emphasize one over the other or focus more on one type, the church must still play its role of loving both parties wherever it is placed. This is similar for the individual. A person might spend more time praying but that does not excuse him for not reading the bible, doing good deeds and evangelising. There is no "Either...Or..." but "All" when it comes to what Christ has commanded us to obey and this is what I meant by being balanced. No one should speak critically of an individual or a church that is devoting more time towards certain areas of ministry unless they have become so extreme that they only do that and dropped everything else that Christ has commanded us and expected us to do.

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Part 1

Of late, I've been reading up quite a bit on theological works and giving my brain a Question & Answer workout. There are too many things unanswered. Whether you are a scholar or not does not matter because there are things we can never be 100% sure of. The only thing we can be sure of is that God has given us His word and His word will tell us what we need to know and it is enough. What we really need to do is practice what the bible says, and not so much to contend over theological issues or questions that are tough(with no 'real' answers as the answers come from a bias view of the debater's anyway).

I feel that it is important for us to have a 'balanced' mind. A radical and yet balanced view of all the things that is happening in the Christian community. Radical as in unconforming to the patterns of the world, bracing oneself to adhere to the high standards of the bible, dying to self daily(sacrificing personal pleasure so that more time is spent praying, reading His word, ministering to believers and non-believers alike).

It is more than a fiery, passionate emotion with the notion of "I will do this for Christ!!!". Rather, this zealousness for His name must come from God Himself, not churned up by human self. It comes from understanding His words and the desire to see Him glorified among every people and nation. It is not the outward expressions that we so often associate with zealous people or those we termed "on fire for God" that will make a person truly radical for Jesus. It is often the secret moments he spent with the Lord - praying and meditating on His word day and night - that makes him a radical Jesus lover. It results in outward expressions that are more than just fist pumping and loud shouts of declaration; the outward expression is seen in the form of love - giving to those in need, mixing with the marginalised and outcasts, welcoming the weak and heavy laden, extending a helping hand and sharing life's journey with all man.

Rethinking and Rediscovering

I'm beginnging to rethink many things recently. It seems that some of the things I thought I knew were more "assumed knowledge" than really understanding what they are really all about. As I began to reflect on how I approach missions and what I really understand about it, I realised I've missed out a big part of Christ in the equation. The first thing that comes to our mind when we talk about missions is usually about the obedience to the great commission or about reaching out to the poor and oppressed. This is not wrong, but there's something more. It is Christ.

I've realised that my motivation for missions has been about going all out to help the poor and to win them to Christ. It is about the doing and the action. Prayers have often been "Lord, show me how I can do this & that. Teach me how to talk to them. Have mercy on these souls." There is nothing wrong with such prayers, but it is not complete and the focus is not the most excellent. I've come to realise that I've lost the wonder of Christ in my missions endeavours. That is to stand in awe of Him and behold His glory. That my motivation and passion for missions should first come because of Him, simply Him and Him alone - my awe of Him, my wonder of Him, my speechless expression of His glory. It is all about Jesus.

'Strangely' enough, a day after I've received this 'revelation', I read John Stott's excellent paper on the Christology of Mission. I cannot agree more on one of the things he wrote. He says:
"The primary motive for mission is neither obedience to the Great Commission, nor even love for those who are oppressed, lonely, lost and perishing, important as both those incentives are, but rather zeal or 'jealousy' for the glory of Christ. It was 'for his name's sake', in order that it might receive the honour which it deserved, that the first missionaries went out. The same passionate longing should motivate us"

Read John Stott's excellent Christology of Mission at http://www.servantsasia.org/Article-Christology.asp

I am not ashamed of the gospel

Is it possible to be in a mode of desperation everyday? How would it feel like to be desperate for the souls of the lost everyday? I really don't know. Am I desperate enough? I wouldn't think so. As much as it is subjective, looking at myself, I do not see a desperate Christian in anguish of many souls. Sure, I pray for my family and friends to be saved. Yes, I've invited friends to church. Ok, I've led a few persons to Christ directly or indirectly in a year. But to be desperate for souls is a different thing.

I am not desperate. I am just like any 'ordinary' Christian that is growing in the Lord. Don't get me wrong, that is good. But I believe the more excellent way is to be desperate. Can I humanly conjure up desperation? Yes, maybe for a while but human efforts will never last. Only God can give godly desperation and I need to be desperate for such a desperation.

This means changing many things in my lifestyle - it's a huge challenge but a possible one if I were to surrender over and over again. Am I ready now? I don't think so. I can only pray that God will continue to be patient with me and mold me into a desperate mould.

Excepts from "Why God Used D. L. Moody" - by R. A. Torrey (http://www.wholesomewords.org/biography/biomoody6.html)
"Mr. Moody made the resolution, shortly after he himself was saved, that he would never let twenty-four hours pass over his head without speaking to at least one person about his soul. His was a very busy life, and sometimes he would forget his resolution until the last hour, and sometimes he would get out of bed, dress, go out and talk to someone about his soul in order that he might not let one day pass without having definitely told at least one of his fellow-mortals about his need and the Savior who could meet it."

I can read on and on about the exploits of D.L.Moody, how he preached the gospel to at least one person a day and how many of them were saved. But I do not only want to read and feel good. I want to be part of the story. I do not want to share the gospel only a few times a year. Can it be every day? Yes, with the help of God.

"Lord, help me be desperate for lost souls. Send me to them and them to me. May their souls be saved. Amen"

Thank God for friends

Sometimes, it is easy for us to take our friends for granted. While I was in Cambodia, I began to see how much friends need each other. I imagined what I will become if I'm in my colleague's shoes; alone in HVPV and with huge amount of tasks and issues I face everyday. Will I snap? Thank God for friends.

It was no mean feat trying to juggle operation tasks, projects tasks and staff and children issues everyday. It was already very difficult for two persons(my colleague and I); I can imagine one person handling all the stuffs. Thank God for friends.

Are you thanking God for your friends and appreciating them today? Or do you remember them only when a need arise? Thank God for friends.

God's Wonderful Grace

I'm amazed by God's provision and timing. A few days ago, after a time of prayer, I felt part of the reason why we are having problems is because of unforgiveness and animosity that the staff have against each other. That when we have unforgiveness and division, the devil have a greater leeway of wrecking havoc in other aspects of the community. - "If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand" Mark 3:25

The problems that were happening were also a warning from the Lord that we had to do something about it. But what? We couldn't possibly orchestrate a session of reconciliation. That would be too unnatural. So all we can do is to pray this prayer, "Lord, we know there is a need for reconciliation. We pray that you will provide this opportunity. We don't know how, but we know you will do it." - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

Frankly speaking, I have no idea how it's going to happen or when it's going to happen. I can only trust Him that somehow, He will do it. I thought perhaps it may take a while as I couldn't see any such opportunities coming anytime soon (logically speaking). But God knows it's urgent and He answered our prayers. A team came and their itinerary was changed because of some issues. And because of that, an opportunity for reconciliation came about and many hearts were ministered to. I can't help but marvel at His grace. That His grace is sufficient. That His grace has - "work all things together for good to those who love God, to those who have been called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28

And finally, I remembered one more thing that the Lord spoke to me during the prayer time. "My grace is sufficient for thee"~2Cor 12:9 Amen.

Victory in Christ

Praise the Lord!!! The cloud of darkness was lifted as God triumphs once again. The past 2 weeks have really been tough as we were bombarded with problems one after another almost consecutively. This is also the first time I had to counsel some children in HVPV and perhaps for the first time, I kind of understood what my ex-colleague meant when she said that things can get emotionally draining in HVPV. I wasn't really emotionally drained but more like I didn't want to do some of the things like interrogation, scolding, digging out the truth etc; at least not so often and certainly not one after another.

I remembered my pastor once said, "Sometimes, it seems that evil has triumph and God does allow that in some situations. But those moments of darkness are shortlived because finally, God will show His glory and triumph once again." This reminds me of the darkness that seems to have won when Christ was crucified. But that seemingly triumph by the evil one was crushed when Christ rose from the dead in triumph, defeating the evil one resoundly. It is no wonder we can find peace and joy in the midst of tough times. That is because God triumphs finally and our victory is assured because of Him. Glory to God.

Don't lose your Purpose and Passion

"How can I pray for you?" I asked my friend over MSN. Since my previous blog post, I have received 3 opportunities to pray for my friends over MSN and it was wonderful to be able to encourage them through such prayers. It was also no coincidence that my friends are at a stage where they are seeking God and getting a little bit confused at the moment. The common word is "Bored", plus others like "Confused, Depressed". It is frightening to know that we can lose our passion when we do not have a purpose and direction in our lives.

What is more frightening is that we fail to understand and see the purpose that God has already given us in a particular season of our lives, especially in a season of waiting and moulding. We can be actively serving in our church and even be working as a full time church staff but when we fail to understand God's purpose for us, we are in danger of losing our passion. And this will get us discouraged and sucked into a world of passionless service.

What is your purpose? What is your passion? Is it worshipping God through joyful acts of service and the way you live your life? Even if you do not have a passion in what you are doing right now, do you still have a passion for God? You must look to God, and not the things you are doing. You may dislike the things you are doing now, but God has allowed or even ordained such a time as this. Therefore, be passionate about what you are doing, not because you like it(you may not) but because you are passionate for God and you want to glofify Him in all that you do. That is your purpose - to worship Him, to glorify Him in all that you do, and in all that you are. Be passionate for Him.

"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:11-12

How can I pray for you?

When I was in Cambodia, I hosted a team for a few days and met this great guy in the team. What's so great about this guy? Here's why. Just the other day, I spoke to him via MSN and he asked me, "How can I pray for you?" wow. I am really humbled by these words. This guy knew me for only a few days and he's not in my church or lifegroup. But he sincerely prayed for me via MSN.

Through this, I gain a deeper insight into what body life really is. It goes beyond our own churches, lifegroups, organizations and even how much you know the other person. The thing is his focus. His focus is on the needs of the other person, and his focus is prayer. If I were to talk to someone, the "how can I pray for you?" would normally not cross my mind but for him, it is so natural and I think this is important. This should and has to be natural for us as Christians, as brothers and sisters in Christ, who cares for each other and wants to pray for each other. It is really a great lesson learnt and I am really humbled. I hope I'll be more mindful the next time I have an opportunity to ask, "How can I pray for you?"

Disappointed? No, I chose to give thanks

Maybe it is because we have had too much that we often complain. Perhaps you're not one but I must admit I do complain every now and then, even if my complaint is just a passing remark. I remembered I complained about being cheated of a few dollars in Siem Reap, Cambodia when the motor taxis tried to increase their rates every now and then with some excuses. To this complaint, God says, "hey, you have the priviledge to tour Angkor Wat and is able to afford the transportation and accomodation cost for this holiday. Shouldn't you be giving thanks?" Yes, Lord. Sorry for complaining. I will give thanks instead, because I am so blessed and that is the truth.

On my return to Singapore for my PR renewal for another 5 years, the officer said that the immigration dept. can only give me one year. Was I disappointed? Kind of, as I was hoping for 5 years and hence do not have to travel back now and then from my mission field. Strange enough, the officer told me about the criteria and chances of getting 5 years which I was not told in my last year's application. They normally don't say a thing about criteria. And as if to convey a message from God to me, she smiled and said, "See you again next year". Ok Lord, are you telling me something? But this time, no complains. I give thanks for another year of PR status.

This morning I was told that maybe I might not be heading back to Timor after all. 'Strange' enough, I was not very disappointed. A little, yes, as I was hoping to meet some friends and also get my stuffs back. Other than that, I was pretty much emotionless and just take it as it is. I think God has prepared me for this in the one year renewal process, which is to say, "Whatever it is Lord, have Your way. You know best. And in this, I can give thanks."

Nothing too big to complain about and nothing too great to be disappointed about. In each situation, we can always give thanks and trust that our ever loving God will steer us in the right direction. What we expect might not be what He wants for us and when expectations are not met, disappointements can arise. But if our expectation is:"Lord, You do it Your way. I just follow", then disappointments need not arise because you know that your present circumstances is what God has allowed and you'll find peace and joy instead.

I'm not exactly bouncing with joy now :) but I am very sure God has everything in His hands and He will direct my paths. And anyway, nothing is confirmed yet so I might still be heading down to Timor. So I "give thanks in all my circumstances for this is God's will for me in Christ Jesus" 1 Thessalonian 5:18. Give thanks and cheer up folks! :)

"I want something better, what's wrong?"

I am now reading a book called "Good News to the Poor - Sharing the gospel through social involvement" by Tim Chester and I have learnt a lot from it and many things have set me thinking. Just the other day, I was reading a portion on consumerism and something struck me.

I was getting a little dissatisfied with my D70 DSLR camera recently because of its metering and white balance processing and I was thinking of getting a newer camera. Even the compact cameras these days metered better than my D70(except the lens I have is better). So I was busy shopping for a possible camera to replace my D70 and I didn't even balk at the price (1.4k onwards). I was basically obsessed with the idea of getting it and thinking of ways to reduce the cost until reality struck. Isn't it too much to spend that amount of money on another camera?(when I already had one!!!) Won't that money be better used for future endeavours in missions or some form of work among the poor? I haven't though of that untill I read the portion of the book on consumerism and I snapped back to my new self; not the old selfish self that was crucified on the cross. That old selfish self craves for personal pleasure and wants to feed the lust of the eye - I see, I want, I covet. I was convicted immediately and repented. All along, I thought I was contented with many things but even then, there are loopholes that need to be guarded and I thank God for showing me my weakness. To get the better camera now would be unthinkable.

Excerpt from the book:John Calvin condems 'obstentious banquets, bodily apparel and domestic architecture'-what we would call fancy dinner parties, designer gear and an obsession with home improvements. "All these things are defended under the pretext of Christian freedom", he continues. 'They say that these are things indifferent. I admit it, provided they are used indifferently. But when they are coveted too greedily, when they are proudly boasted of, when they are lavishly squandered, things that were of themselves otherwise lawful are certainly defiled by these vices'

Some stats: 1.3 billion people live on less than one US dollar a day - about 1.50 Singapore dollar, 2.6 billion people lack basic sanitation and 1.2 billion do not have adequate housing. Over 20,000 children die evey day of diseases we could prevent. So the next time you say, "I want something better than this. What's wrong?(in buying it)", look at the statistics above and you know something is very wrong.

It all started with Giving

You went to a place for holidays and someone you hardly know paid for your hotel. On top of that, your transport to the place and back was paid for and to top it off, you even received some cash after your holidays! Sounds crazy? Yes it does and it happened to me. I am really 'blown away' by God's generosity.

The Lord of Host challenge us in Malachi 3:10, "Test me in this(i.e. giving) and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it". Having you been tithing? Challenge yourself to up the 10%. A pastor once told me about what happened to him when he increase his tithing after becoming convinced that he should give more than the starting 10%. And he lived in more exciting days ever since.

I have also heard many stories from many different people about God's amazing providence too. And I am sure these people are not stingy with God. Why? Cos His word is always true - "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." ~ 2 Cor 9:6. Events in life gets tastier as each one unfolds the truth of God and when I look back, I understood certain truths more. "At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need" ~ 2 Cor 8:14. Generosity can only be practiced, and that's how you experience the floods of blessing that God is talking about and the joy that comes with it. That is why it is written in Acts 20:35- "It is more blessed to give than to receive". It is not to say receiving is bad. But that in first, giving, we are more blessed because the receiving that comes after that means so much more than just receiving and not giving. For example, you give some money to a needy family. You may not receive your money back but when you see the joy in their hearts, don't you receive that joy too? :) But without the giving, there is no real blessed receiving.

I'll end with John Wesley's famous relevant-till-today quote:
"Earn all you can
Save all you can
Give all you can"

Happy Easter!
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life" ~ John 3:16

Excitement

"Wah, you are really emotionless!", so said many who knew me and have seen my reaction to supposedly exciting events. Going abroad to somewhere, joining a ship, having various opportunties to work with something new were some of the things that might excite many but to me, it is just like any other day. Don't get me wrong - I am contented and happy, but my heart will not be racing and feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline that will make me want to burst out. That's excitement. It has now been almost a year since I last felt some form of excitement and today, I got my emotion back(for those of you who claimed I am emotionless :> ).

You must have guess it right. East Timor is on the map again and that's not all. Before I was informed of the upcoming plan to visit it, I had felt in my heart that I should visit it sometime soon too. Ever since I left Timor, I have been praying to return/visit but have not felt this way although my friend had encouraged me to visit Timor sometime last year. It was only recently that I felt I should/must go back to see the country again and visit some folks there. And what a wonderful 'confirmation' it is when I was informed of the visitation plan. Alas, the excitment only lasted a few seconds. So until I step foot on Timor soil again and smell it, you can say I am emotionless :)

Old Self & Timely Wisdom

If you think Primary 1 children are adorable, you are right and sometimes, it is hard to imagine what little monsters they can be. Two very interesting thing happened to me a week ago and I am once again reminded of 2 things. No.1 - I am reminded of how human I am and how my very own human nature behaves. No.2 - When there's a right action to take, just do it. The wisdom to handle it will come from God.

Here's the story. We had a computer class for the P1 and one of the boys was punished by my colleague. He was stopped from using the computer until he behaves himself but he didn't and continued disturbing the girl next to him. I hit his hands but he still tried to mess up the girl's typing so I raised my voice at him and grabbed him, intending to make him stand in front of the class. He began talking away(it sounded more like a defence than a protest) and he held on to the pillar. I took his hands and legs off the pillar but the little fella kept talking and held on to the pillar again for dear life. Ok, I thought there must be something in those words and asked for translation. It turned out that all he wanted was to sit in another PC because he dislike the girl, and that is why he refused to do his work and disturb the other girl.

I was stunned by this 'bizzare' reason and situation and I didn't know what to do. So my very unrighteous human nature took over and I asked my colleague what he'll do. "So how? What do you think?", pretending to know-it-all and make him feel that I am testing him in classroom management. He looked at me uneasily and you know that he does not know what to do. The old-self-me asked him a second time, hoping that I can get away with this sticky situation but his reaction is still the same. Come to think of it, if I were him, I would expect the "smarter" foreigner(who's supposed to teach me "everything") to make the right decision.

So the chips fall back to me - should I allow the boy to sit on another PC as requested or not? Time is ticking away and I can't be staring blankly back at my colleague, can I? In a split second, as if given instructions by another person to relay a message, I told the boy that if he wants to sit on another PC, he must behave himself and not talk. These words also came out, "If you're nice to us, then we will also be nice to you. But if you're naughty, then you are not nice to us and we will also not be nice to you. You understand?" He nodded his head and said yes to everything but I wondered whether he really agreed or just conveniently said 'yes' to get out of the situation. He was also angry and upset at the same time. Anyway, I think that he really understood it all when he said goodbye and thankyou to me in the Khmer way(both hands clasp together like when we're praying) at the end of the class. (Not many from his class did that) And by the way, the word 'nice' is used because it is easiest for them to understand and good for 'children talk'.

After lunch, I saw the boy again and he was all smiles to me, and we talked a little bit in my limited Khmer and his limited English. I really thank God that He gave me the wisdom to handle that difficult situation and how He showed me how vunerable we can be in moments of "danger". That the ugly side of us will rear its head out again in these moments but it is indeed a good reminder of how frail we are. And how we must continuously seek God for help in our weaknesses and do away with more of our flesh.

Ask Him for Wisdom - James 1:5
Put off the old self and put on the new self - Ephesian 4:22-24

Give due credit and respect

Ever heard of this 'catch' phrase we foreigners often use when we are in a third world country? "Oh, we must EMPOWER the locals. Must teach them this and that and EMPOWER them." Let me clarify. I have nothing against imparting knowledge and skills, and I certainly think it is good to help the local people to learn certain skills that will enable them to do certain things independently. But sometimes, we are so conditioned in our minds about our "superiority" as a foreigner that we don't even realise that sometimes we belittle the locals. We always talk a lot about helping them to gain confidence and be independent but our words sometimes suggest otherwise. I have this Khmer staff working with me on computers and the picture painted to him is that I am some sort of rocket scientist that will 'impart' to him all my skills and know-how. I got to work with him once before I officially joined the team and I noticed that he knows his computer stuffs well and he has a natural analytical mind that is very good for computers. It is true that there are stuffs I know which he doesn't but he already knows quite a fair bit and that's quite something for a person without a formal computer education and who started off working as a security guard!

It's the afternoon and the "encouraging" words rang loud and clear again in the office and I could see the cleverly concealed embarrassed look on his face. Well, I sincerely believe those words are really meant to encourage him but it is put in such a way that it doesn't sound like it, at least not to an adult. Maybe a child will think of it as an encouragement to learn but to me, it really sound like belittlement. Perhaps the person trying to encourage him do not know where his computer skills level is at but still, that cannot be an excuse for being insensitive. I happen to hear something similar in 3 different occasions and each time, I can see that his head is slightly bowed, as if to agree that he knows next to nothing. It is no wonder why some local people never rise up. And that's because we still treat them like little children, not trusting them to do a good job and not giving them room for failures so that they can learn. Let us treat them as adults and not little children, and give them respect and credit where it is due. Phil 2:3

'Exotic' Cambodia Food

Being a foodie, I'm always game for different kinds of food and Cambodia have some very interesting ones. The famous 'exotic' food in Cambodia are fried spiders. They are bbq to a crisp with a sauce that taste like teriyaki and they don't taste too bad. Then I had the bbq snake and it contains some kind of goo which tasted odd but edible.
Next on the menu is stuffed frogs. Some kind of beef ball mix is stuffed into the tiny frog's body and bbq to a crisp.
Then there's also half-grown duck eggs similar to the Phillipines' 'Baluk'. You cracked the top part of the shell and drink the 'soup' that is inside the egg and it's actually quite tasty. Looking into the egg may spoil your appetite so just scoop whatever is inside and eat it. Otherwise the sight of the half-grown duckling's head and feathers might put you off.
Last but not least, I tried the local Palm 'juice'. It's some kind of juice that is extracted from the branch/stem of the palm tree and sold on the streets. I suspect this caused my first week's food poisoning when i was offered by the locals the drink. Other than that, I have had no problems with outside food and their wonderful lime sugar cane thus far. Bon appetit.

"Back" to Cambodia

During my waiting days, as I was seeking God for directions, I saw a vision of a photograph of myself with smiling children in a poor village. The children had darker skin tones and I thought to myself, "Lord, who are these children and where is this place?" My first thought was Cambodia. I did not know many countries with children that looked like those in the vision and I thought Cambodia seems very likely. Some time later, I realised that those children could be East Timor children as I went to East Timor. Cambodia by then was far away in my mind as my heart sank roots in East Timor. Little did I know that the Lord would provide me an opportunity to go to Cambodia, the destination I first thought of.

What a priviledge. I am so grateful to God for this opportunity to learn, to serve and to grow in love for Him and His ppl. Hey ppl, if you think that sacrificing to serve God in the missions field is a big thing, it really is not. I would not even consider it a sacrifice although it does cost me certain things. I say this not to boast nor to feel good with a 'false humility' pretension. No, I am able to say this because God prepared me to give, and I can give each time because He first gave. I can 'sacrifice' because He first sacrificed - for you and for me. Serving in missions do not require you to be a full time worker, but a full time Christian. If your heart so desires, He will see that desire which pleases Him and He will send you to the field. It could be long term or short term but it does not matter. What matters is that you have gone out to love others, and you have pleased Him with your heart.

About Timor - Why wait?

A few days ago, I was crying out to God and asking how long more do I have to be away from East Timor. I can sense the pain of the people and I can see their faces and my heart was broken. God spoke to my heart. "I've shown you the land and you have been there and tasted it. But now I have drawn you out for a time of training. And I want you to pray and cry out for this land." Having lived there and seen what Timor is like, I certainly was able to pray more specifically. And not able to go back at the moment makes my heart sick and the more I longed to be back, the more fervent I prayed for the land. Come to think of it, it does not seem unreasonable for God to take me out so that I may developed a deeper hunger to intercede for East Timor. It is a time of conditioning - to condition in me an attitude of intercession for the land; whether I'm away or not. As I looked back at the time I spent in Timor, I could honestly say that I have not spend as much time praying for Timor then as I am now and I was certainly not as serious in my prayers for Timor when I was there than now. Praise God for this revelation.

During these few days, I have also been presented with opportunities to go back to East Timor. I have now 3 opportunities to go back to East Timor and all I had to do is say "Yes" to the 'invitations' and I'll be back to my homeland. I was wondering why these opportunties pop up in quick succession and suddenly, God spoke to my heart. "Son, look at all these opportunities I have shown you. If I want you to be back in Timor, you will be back. All I had to do is snap my fingers and thousands of doors will be opened to you. Do not worry about open doors and how you will be going back. When the time comes, you will be back." How true this is. God is showing me His power in this and teaching me to trust Him more.

I'm not sure why but I sense something powerful will happen when I go back to East Timor after I have undergo my training in Cambodia and also in Singapore; having learnt a lot more about the art of waiting, praying and seeking His face. This is indeed a season of conditioning my spiritual 'muscles' and training for what is ahead. I can sense the excitement in me and I rejoice in this waiting period of my life. As one of my friends said, "Waiting time is never wasted time". Amen.

A Bitter Taste of Disappointment and a Surge of Uncontainable Joy

Yesterday, I had a taste of what disappointment is. It is not like I have not tasted disappointment before but this one somehow hit it right in my heart and carried such a weight. It's like when you discovered something you do not expect and totally shocking to you and you found it hard to swallow because the expectations changed so drastically.

I must say that it has done me good because now I get to taste its bitternest and understand a bit more of what my friend, H, went through. I mean, sometimes, we don't want that kind of feeling, do we? It is heavy, weighs you down and make you feel so 'sian' and moody, doesn't it? But God gave us emotions for a purpose and when disappointment comes, we taste and feel the same heavy heart.

But if there is one thing that is different, it will be how we react to it. It was tough for me and it will be unnatural(and also impossible) to suppress it by my own human strength. It just will not go away everytime you think of it. So will the method of not thinking about it help? To a certain extent yes but that emotion still creeps up even when I don't think of it. The only thing I know will help me is going to God, talking to Him and finding rest in His presence.

So I went to the nearby park and spend time praying to God, asking Him "why? Why God? Tell me pls" And God understood but He did not utter a word. I am sure He is also pained to see me feeling this way but it has to happen for a good reason and a learning process for me. So I kept asking and He kept looking in silence. Then when I finally stopped, God spoke to me, "My son, you have to keep praying and wait." Ok God, that is not really an aswer per se but well, I knew you are dealing with me so I humbly accept the fact that I will have to go through the grind.

I thought I will take some time to recover from this disappointment but today, God healed me. It is a miracle. I have not experience such quick recovery emotionally before. I have a good time of fellowship with my friends in the morning and as I was going back to work in the afternoon, I suddenly felt a surge of joy welling in my heart. Suddenly, my heart was bursting with joy! I was smiling away and was beaming like a fool and I felt so light all of a sudden. The disappointment with its heavy baggage disappeared as quickly as it had came. This 'supernatural' joy lasted for a few minutes and when it was all over, I felt 'normal' again, as if the disappointment had not cause any damage at all to my emotional state. But i knew it was God who gave me that joy and healed me. I don't know what had caused Him to pour His favour over me in this matter and the only thing I could think of is this:- That He was pleased that I ran into His presence with my prayers and petitions. And that I accepted the matter that had happened and was willing to put this matter into His hands and let Him have His way in me.

Don't get me wrong. I am not putting this as a formula or saying that if we do this, then our pain will go away quickly. We know that God is good, just and sovereign and do as He pleases because He knew what is best. But sometimes, don't we get more burdened by the disappointments we have by not going to Him in total surrender and humility? Don't we get more upset by not accepting that the matter is in His hands and that it is still ultimately good for us? Don't we sometimes prolonged our own suffering by not trusting that God will heal and restore us and close the matter for us In His time and in His ways? if i were to struggle to find an answer to my disappointment on my own, I would become more miserable and totally missed out on what God wants to do in my life. I thank God He showed me why I had to go through this. And I thank Him very much for that special joy and speedy recovery. I believe what He had done for me today, He can also do for you too. Run into His presence today.

Oh, what peace we often forfeit
Oh, what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry,
everything to God in prayer
~ Portion of the song, What a Friend we have in Jesus

How about her?

On my way to the Bishan Mrt every morning, I will pass by this old lady selling tissue. I've never spoken to her before because I was in a rush everytime and God spoke to me one day, "How about her?" Ouch.

So i met this lady today and bought a pack of tissue from her and talk to her. She spoke to me in Mandarin and then(I don't know why), she talked to me in cantonese which makes it even easier to 'click'. She already had 2 operations because of her cancer and now she had to raise money for a third one. That is why she's selling tissue.

"What to do?", she said. "The amount of money I received from the welfare organisation is only enough for my flat rental and everyday usage. Cancer medication is not cheap and nowdays, if you do not have money, it's bye bye Singapore." I also found out that she's a Christian, but sadly, a disappointed one.

She was saved because a pastor had mercy on her and paid for her medical debts and led her to Christ. She was then about to commit suicide when her friend refrained her and introduce her to the pastor. Sadly, she is now fending for herself. "Ya. They pray for me but when it comes to money, no one will help", she replied when I asked whether her friends have prayed for her for healing. Is this the church today?

Look around you and ask yourself. When is the last time you have treated a poorer friend or stranger to a meal? When is the last time you have given money to a more needy person in church or in your circle of friends? We have missed out a lot. We forgot that there are poor ppl in Singapore. We fail to see that the person sitting next to you in church is a poor person who needed help. We hoard our money and find out what is the best investment and fixed deposit interest when our treasures are actually in heaven and the best 'investment' are to the poor.

As we all know, different churches have different approaches when it comes to welfare and sometimes, certain ppl don't "qualify" for help. But how about on a personal level? Surely as an individual, we can do a lot. The church comprises of ppl, you and me, who can help the needy. Please, don't take on the mindset of "Oh, I pay tithe you know. The church should be the one paying for this person's welfare wat", "The church have a welfare system right? Let the person 'settle' with the church on his case" and with these excuses, we avoid our responsibility to the poor. Let's take away the mindset of always depending on the church(as an organisation) to do every single thing. We don't have to wait for another evangelistic service or program to evangelise, and we don't need to wait for another 'love campaign' to give to the poor. Let's do what we ought to do as an individual - preaching the good news, giving to the poor, loving each other. After all, is not the church us?

Coming back to the lady. "Do you attend church nowadays?" I asked. "Not really. I don't feel like going these days", she replied. We chatted a while more and before I left, I gave her some money and tell her it's for her to "buy food"(It's the polite cantonese way of giving someone money) And she said,"Oh. Thank you so much. God bless you" and I replied, "God bless you too". Jesus is still in her heart, but I pray that she can experience the fullness of Him through our acts of kindness. My friends, Jesus is speaking to you today, "How about her, how about him?"

Personal Soul Winning

Ephesians 4:16 - "From Him, the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work"

Often, we said, "Oh, we must be united!" And many times we meant it, but our actions do not show it. We agree among ourselves, called ourselves like-minded and thought that we are one in spirit and purpose(Phil 2:2), BUT this unity we proclaimed has no real meaing unless each of us play our part in doing God's work. There are many works we can do but I want to highlight one of the most important one to you and that is preaching the gospel.

Preaching the gospel requires no special 'calling' or titles or status. If there is any thing that we can all play our part in, it is sharing the gospel. Isn't it wonderful if our unity is seen or recognised by the world because each one of us share the gospel to them in various ways and in different places? If you read on from chapter 4:16, you will hit chapter 5:15-16 where God tells us to make the most of every opportunities that we have.

In previous postings, I've shared how I met people on the streets (mostly poor people), became friends with them and shared the love of God with them. This "phenomena" happened to me while I was in East Timor. Every month without fail, I will bump into a stranger on the street or somewhere, and I will get a chance to share Jesus with them. I keep praying for such opportunities and these occurences have not stopped since then. I thought this is something awesome(maybe because we seldom hear of something like this in our community) but when I read that someone does this EVERYDAY, it blows my mind. Reading the story of how D.L.Moody will not rest until he shares Jesus with one soul a day did not discourage me. I'm encouraged by my once-a-month endeavour where God helped me to bother to talk to the poorer and lesser reached soul on the street but to do it everyday is a real challenge. Yes, it is a tall order but not one that is impossible. And I think we all should strive towards it.

So how do we strive towards this everyday personal evangelism lifestyle? Start by praying? Yes, but don't stop at praying. Be aware of the opportunities around you, grab them, share your testimony, do an act of kindness, preach the gospel. R.A Torrey said, "The best way to learn how to do it is to do it." I want to encourage you to read this article called "The Importance of Personal Soul Winning" by R.A. Torrey. It's at http://www.swordofthelord.com/archives/ImportanceSoulWinning.htm

You will see in there that we can all play our part in winning souls on a personal basis, and the effect of such works can have a greater impact than events like gospel rallies, healing crusades etc. God bless you and the souls around you.

How could I pass her by?

"Excuse me, can you give me one dollar? I am hungry and I don't have money to buy food", the unkempt lady looked at me with wide, dazed eyes.

This is not the first time I have encountered ppl on the streets asking for money and my response these days is to offer them food instead of money. I would not want someone to take the money and buy themselves cigarettes or alcoholic drinks.

She replied,"Oh, I want to go somewhere there to buy rice." to which I replied, "It's okay. I will follow you there to buy you the food". And she pleaded again, "Please, I just need one dollar. Can you give me one dollar?" I knew then that she's not going to use the money to buy food and I said sorry and moved on.

As I was praying back home, I thought about the lady and realised how indifferent I was to her situation. Why didn't I spend a little more time talking to her? Yes, she is smelly and dirty and kept asking for that dollar but was not I like this once? Did not God pick me up and wash me and cleanse me when I was dirty and stinking with sin in my life? How could I let this person walked on in life without a saviour, without a friend and without hope?

My heart broke and I burst out in tears. This lady does not need another dollar!!! She needs the gospel and I failed to give her what she rightfully deserves. It is only a dollar! If my one dollar can be used as a means to spark a conversation that enables her to hear the good news of Jesus Christ, isn't that dollar worth it all? Even if she were to reject accepting Christ later and used that dollar for a puff, could not the seed that was planted in her heart bloom one day? Oh, how narrow I was and how shallow I am!!! I thought I had made the right choice by not giving her the dollar, but I did not make the best choice to give her the treasures in heaven. 

How could I pass her by? How could I when Christ did not pass me by? May the Lord have mercy on me and help me to stretch out my hands beyond my own comfort to a world of poor, dirty, smelly and dying souls.

"Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!!!" 1 Cor 9:16

Renewal of the mind

I was told to be sensitive, and rightly so in a place where most people believe in B and may be offended if we share. However, that instruction became a mindblock to me, mainly because I have not understood what it really meant. So my mind got boxed up and I became too cautious. That changed when I got to know Rev.A. In a space of 3-4 days, he brought 2 persons to the Lord and when we were with him, another 4 were brought to the Lord. I was baffled. I asked him, "how/what did you share?". He replied "After we finished the tour, I asked her, are you a Christian?" and then he proceed to share the gospel - sin, forgiveness, acceptance, love, Lord and Saviour.

That direct approach blew my mind and made me realise that I have boxed myself up and have unconsciously blocked the work of the Spirit. We have to be sensitive, yes, but we have to realise and understand that there are times when we have to be bold and take risk, especially when we know there is a need for the person to hear the gospel. God can melt all sensitivity, God can bridge any hostility, God is God of all things - we all know that, don't we? So why then did I allow such a thing to block my mind? Aha, the dependancy of human wisdom and logic than the dependancy of God. Not that I purposely depend on my own understanding and thinking, but it can come so subtlely and unconsciously, doesn't it? And often, this reveal the truth about yourself; the condition of the deep inner self. I was glad God changed me in this aspect and I was able to share with the love of Christ to someone who have never heard the gospel before. It's awesome.

Vegetarian pasta sauce for 400pax

Ok, what do you need to cook a pasta sauce for 400pax? You will need:
1. 12 big cans of canned tomatoes
2. 2 cans of concentrated tomato paste
3. Lots of chopped and grilled onions
4. Oregano
5. 4 boxes of 1litre red wine
6. Lots of grilled peppers/capsicum(sliced)
7. Lots of grilled carrots(sliced)
8. Salt at the end for taste

Not bad for my first attempt cooking in the galley. Those pots and strirring sticks are huge and there's even a stirring 'toy' which looks more like a machine gun. And if you're frying stuffs(like how 2 of us fried 300+ eggs today...haha), there's this large squarish frying pan that you can sleep in if you want. Well, it has been fun and eventful so far and I have learn quite a bit of stuffs. Character moulding is especially good and you will see your 'true' self more(especially when you're working) so that's about all for now. Thanks for your prayers guys & gals - will really need God to strengthen, lead as well as protect.(the frying pan caught fire this morning! woohoo!) Thank God for His protection otherwise my face will be black. Thank you once again.

Just for laughs - Carpark lai loh!

Something to laugh at:
If you've ever been to blk 232, AMK ave 3, you would have noticed the long queue at Mellben restaurant - an eatery that specialises in crabs. As we were tucking into our juicy crabs, the auntie who takes our orders suddenly stood in the middle holding a loudhailer on one hand and a whistle on the other. She motioned us to cover our ears and before I could respond, she blasted the whistle and shouted into the loudhailer. "Carpark lai lohhhhh! Carpark lai lohhhhhh!" This mixed expression of singlish and hokkien meant, "The carpark attendant is coming! Those of you who have not pay using your parking coupon or parking illegally, you better do something!" Immediately, more than 10 persons stood up and rush to their cars. The auntie's hokkien accent and coy way of announcing the 'ghost' is funny. The mad rushing of the ppl to their cars and doing the same thing at the same time(i.e. peeling the parking coupon) makes it even more hilarious.

It really makes you wonder why we will want to "chao kuan"(behave badly) so as to save the 50cents to a dollar parking fee while we are already willing to splurge more than $60 on a piece of crab. (price: 1kg = $30) Strange isn't it? Moral of the story? Don't just pay for the crab, pray for the parking fee crap too. (Yes, even if land is free and you have to pay craps for putting your car on it) Otherwise, it'll really spoil your crab eating momentum and smear your car doors with lotsa crab smell. And yes, read into the pun. =)

Be a Doulos

5 more days to go and I'll be joining Doulos for a 2 months exposure programme. What I'll be doing is anybody's guess as the webbie states "Participants will follow a comprehensive training programme and also accompany regular crew in on shore community work". There're plenty of things to do onboard the big ship - i could be helping in the kitchen, arranging books, servicing the IT dept, involved in various programmes(eg. drama, youth programme, games etc) There will also be community work off shore(read the latest news in the webbie bout them going to a centre for disabled children & adults) and I think it's going to be a fulfilling 2 months with Doulos. Praise God for providing this opportunity as my plan of returning to East Timor is still 'floating'. Perhaps after 2 months, things will be clearer. What matters most now is that I continue to serve Him in whatever He has put in my path. That is, to be a doulos, which in greek means a bond servant.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths" Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)