Have Mercy!!!

I meet the tissue auntie at Bishan Bus Interchange quite often and recently had a longer chat with her. After some persuasion, I finally manage to get her to accept the biscuits I bought from Ipoh and then we drifted to the topic of her present livelihood now. She then told me something that pierced my heart.

*blah blah blah blah.....*
Auntie: Sometimes when I don't work, I go to the temple to have my meals.
Me: Oh, where is it?
Auntie: It's at Kong Ming Shan*. Many people, hundreds of people go there to have their meals. They provide 5 free vegetarian meals a day. Anyone can go. They will not ask anything. Last time before I work, I used to go there everyday to have my meals because I was too poor to buy any. I felt very bad that I ate the free meals there so sometimes I will help them to sweep the floor. Before, I was not a Buddhist. But at that time, I felt guilty if I don't become one because I had all my meals there and they have not asked me for anything in return. So I decide to become a Buddhist and found that it is good. The medidation and teachings are good and give me peace of mind.

Strangely, she continued with my religion in mind, knowing that I am a Christian.
Auntie: I cannot turn my back against Buddhism..(*I did not mention anything about Jesus to her at that time. It's as if she assumes I'm evangelising*)..it'll make me feel bad. You know, last time I have been to a church before. But NOBODY BOTHERS ABOUT ME (*emphasis mine*)
Me: ....

We soon drifted to another topic but those words ring so loud in my ears that I will never forget them. *Nobody(in church) bothers about me...nobody bothers about me...* I walked away feeling dejected. I asked myself what in the world are some of us doing today, especially with regards to the poor. I feel very sad that the church is handicapped, that it cannot reach out it's hands to the poor because those hands were shriveled by an inward-looking self and indifference. Not all churches are, but there are enough to make me feel sad. Even the world knows how to take care of the poor. If this does not shame us into noticing & loving the poor pro-actively, then I wonder what will.

"O God! Have mercy on us! Help us show mercy to the poor and needy! Help us to have compassion and love our neighbours with acts of kindness! Revive us Lord!!! Revive your church Lord!!! Have mercy!!!"

End of the Timor Road?

Yeap, my volunteer contract with WV had been terminated as the youth centre project has been closed indefinitely. It's strange that I felt as if a bombshell had been dropped on me but perhaps as a human, I still do have some emotion after all. Perhaps in s split second, I felt as if my tenure in East Timor is over. Is that true? Coming back to my senses, I slapped myself up and draw my assurances from God again. Of cos it's not true my stint in East Timor is over - as long as God had not say so. My friend's email from East Timor is very encouraging as she said there are plenty of work to be done there. So what is the next step? Go hunt for a volunteer job? No, I still believe that I have to continue to pray for directions till God show me the way, confirm it and send me. Praise God that there are plenty of opportunities in Timor, and even Ps Jonathan's visit to S'pore is no coincidence. It all linked again. Perhaps it's going to be a fresh start to a new thing in East Timor for me, or a temporary stopover for me in S'pore for further training & equipping and then to go back. Though my emotions sometimes roar like the raging sea when I felt so helpless(in that I cannot be there right now to be with the ppl), but in God's presence I can find my rest and in His grace I can draw strength. No way will I let my emotions get the better of me. I will choose to praise Him and shed all my tears in prayer.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God" ~ Psalm 42:11

Reaching out to my mum & dad

Sometimes the hardest thing to do for is to someone closest to you. And especially so when the person is not a believer. I struggle(strange right?) when I wanted to pray for my non-believing mum and dad. But God always see our desires and provide us opportunities to fulfill those desires that were good. And so, I had the opportunity to pray for my mum and the pain in her left leg. Althought I kind of make a mess of the prayer, I certainly felt God was there and ministerinig to my mum. I often wonder how my mum and dad can come to know the Lord since I'm away most of the time and there is zero(yes, that is so sad) Christians in our neighbourhood in Ipoh. But God always answer prayers and mine is no exception. Thank God that a group of us decided to go to Ipoh for holidays & through that, Lillian shared the gospel with my mum, and also I had the opportunity to share testimonies and pray for her. At this time, you may ask me "what about your dad?" Well, it'll come. It takes time but the opportune time will come. It's harder to get through him as he always 'siam' or 'dilute' what is God into coincidences. But it's okay. He will understand one day. So to all of you out there who have parents that are not yet saved, continue to perservere in prayer and pluck up that courage to do the thing you always wanted to do. Maybe it is to pray for them face to face, to share with them a testimony, the gospel, a big hug, to say I love you and appreciate you, whatever is in your heart that God has prompted you to do. Take heart and press on.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" ~ Hebrews 11:1
"...Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household" ~ Acts 16:31

When the doors seem closed

I must say this is one of the most trying time of my life. When I looked back, I knew God had prepared me for such a time. It's a growth process and there's no shortcut. There were at least 3 occasions in my life where things are uncertain and each time, the uncertainty grew bigger. I was wondering whether I had made the correct decision to resign and go to Tungling bible college when God reassured me on the first day that it was correct. I was wondering what I will be doing after Tungling when Ps Ben suggest me teaching Nigel with an intensive program and I did it. I was wondering what I will be doing after finishing my stint with Nigel when God opened the door for full time tuition. And still, I was wondering what I will be doing when God told me to stop tuition and later realised that He had opened the door for me to go East Timor by the year end of '05.

And now, I am away from East Timor and wondering where I will be heading next. Why do I say it is tougher this time? In the past uncertainties, I had nothing in mind so there was nothing really to struggle with when God says 'Go there' or 'Do this'. This time it is different. I have been to East Timor and found my place there. My heart beats for it. Somehow, you just know that that is THE place for you. But now I am away and as the days trickled by, there appears to be less and less hope of going back at this moment. There is no reply from the other side. There is yet to be a hint or direction from God about going back now. Am I losing hope of returning? I am a little now. Humans can't help it and I'm one. But I will not despair.

When the doors seem closed
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
For a season of meaning and for a timely reason of moulding
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
For my God knows best, and in Him I will surely rest
Why the bruised knocks? Why the loud despair?
It is only a second, It will soon come to an end
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
When the doors finally open, I will enter in great delight

By Jason

The Tissue Aunty - "Ye sou oi ngo"

"Auntie, lei hou ma*?" , I greeted the 'tissue auntie' in cantonese at the bishan bus interchange. She smiled and replied she is doing fine and we started having a small chat. It was not so long ago that I met this elderly lady selling tissue paper at the bishan bus interchange for a living.

About 8 months ago, before I left for East Timor, I had a chance encounter with her. The first time I bought tissue from her, I did not say anything but smiled at her. Then I kept buying tissues from her everytime I see her and soon, I became her regular customer(and tissue collector) and got to know her better through her native tongue, cantonese. She is a lonely old woman who had lost her husband a few years ago, had no children nor relatives in singapore to depend on. Very soon, she started opening her life to me and teared on a few occasions when she shared her past and current struggles in life. On one occasion, she said, "Life is so meaningless now. I wonder why I kept telling myself to go on in life. I felt dying is better but everytime I think about it, I told myself that I must be strong and live on." I comforted her and told her about Jesus's love in the easiest, comprehensible cantonese I could managed. She had few friends and a listening ear and some companionship is what she really needed. I thank God I was used to meet her needs, simple as it is, it meant so much to her to have a total stranger that would bother about her at all.

I asked God how i can reach out to her - I really don't know. She's a pretty devout buddhist and quite a shy person so it was not easy trying to share Jesus with her(plus my cantonese is not exactly fantastic). I've tried inviting her to church but she politely declined. The best I've manage so far is to repeat the phrase "Ye Sou oi lei" - "Jesus loves you" in cantonese. She nodded in acknowledgement of the phrase and smiled, as if telling me that she understood what that really means. 8 months have pass and I'm back in Singapore, and I met her again. Before I left after our small chat, she smiled and said, "Thank you for coming and your concern for me...." and then she said something that tells me she really did understood it all, "...Ngo ji dou Ye Sou oi ngo*", she smiled and said again, "Ye Sou oi ngo*". I floated all the way home. Thank you Jesus. You have made a difference.

* Cantonese translation
Lei hou ma? = How are you?
Ngo ji dou = I know (that)
Ye Sou oi ngo = Jesus loves me

P.S. If you see a person like this on the street, ask God what He wants you to do. He can do a lot through you and make a difference in that person's life. Begin to bother.
Nowadays, aunty is smiling more and more optimistic. I'm hoping for the day when she will give her life to Jesus.