When the doors seem closed

I must say this is one of the most trying time of my life. When I looked back, I knew God had prepared me for such a time. It's a growth process and there's no shortcut. There were at least 3 occasions in my life where things are uncertain and each time, the uncertainty grew bigger. I was wondering whether I had made the correct decision to resign and go to Tungling bible college when God reassured me on the first day that it was correct. I was wondering what I will be doing after Tungling when Ps Ben suggest me teaching Nigel with an intensive program and I did it. I was wondering what I will be doing after finishing my stint with Nigel when God opened the door for full time tuition. And still, I was wondering what I will be doing when God told me to stop tuition and later realised that He had opened the door for me to go East Timor by the year end of '05.

And now, I am away from East Timor and wondering where I will be heading next. Why do I say it is tougher this time? In the past uncertainties, I had nothing in mind so there was nothing really to struggle with when God says 'Go there' or 'Do this'. This time it is different. I have been to East Timor and found my place there. My heart beats for it. Somehow, you just know that that is THE place for you. But now I am away and as the days trickled by, there appears to be less and less hope of going back at this moment. There is no reply from the other side. There is yet to be a hint or direction from God about going back now. Am I losing hope of returning? I am a little now. Humans can't help it and I'm one. But I will not despair.

When the doors seem closed
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
For a season of meaning and for a timely reason of moulding
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
For my God knows best, and in Him I will surely rest
Why the bruised knocks? Why the loud despair?
It is only a second, It will soon come to an end
When the doors seem closed, it is only but for a time
When the doors finally open, I will enter in great delight

By Jason