My Jesus, I Love Thee

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
~ William R.Featherston

Is Jesus my delight?

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" I remember telling my Doulos friends this verse from Phil 4:4 as one of my favourite verses. Not too long ago, I was feeling great and full of joy and satisfaction in my journey but things seemed a little different now. Am I moody, down and sulking now? Not at all, and though I still laugh and enjoy my days, there is something amiss. It just feel different.

Last night's reflection had shown me the answer to this seemingly 'missing' joy. I had forgotten to delight myself in the Lord. Omigosh! Have I backslide? No, I have not. So what do I mean by that? I realise I had been focusing on how to live life that I have forgotten my basis for living. My present circumstances have not been great and I feel myself losing motivation for life. I know God is trying me and stretching my faith, and I have been seeking Him for an answer, for a direction to continue on to the next phase. But not hearing nor seeing anything happening all this while does to a certain extent affect my emotion and as time goes by, the uncertainty weighs heavier and heavier.

I told myself:"I will trust in the Lord!", or so I claimed. But there is this 'heaviness" and a 'certain' joy missing from my life. Mind you, I am still enjoying life - I laugh, I play, I give thanks, I appreciate, I enjoy things, I give, I receive and I am really blessed. BUT I realise there is something missing and I realise I had 'forgotten' my basis for living life. I claim to be lacking motivation in life, but if Jesus is the basis for living an abundant life, then how could I claim otherwise? If I have delighted in Jesus and understood that life is worth the living just because He lives, then how can it be possible that I lack motivation in life?

This is indeed basic understanding revisited. Now I can sing again:"And life is worth the living just because He lives". That is the basis for that 'missing' joy in my life - i.e. to live just because Jesus lives! Isn't that great? Isn't that good enough to give me motivation in life? That is the answer to finding joy in my present circumstances. Delighting in Jesus! Giving thanks and praying to Him sure help in lifting my heaviness but that is not yet delighting in Him. To delight in Him goes beyond our thanksgiving and speaking to Him(though it is part of it). It is to adore Him, to hold Him in such awe, to finally understand that having Him alone is good enough reason for rejoicing in life. That is the basis for my living. I need no other motivation nor could I claim I lack one.

O how I delight in You Lord! How can I not rejoice in life?

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

"Dr.O gave his life to Jesus some months ago and was baptized recently!" my Brazilian friend shared the news with delight. Wow! I'm amazed, and I felt so happy. I'm so grateful that God had touched Dr.O and helped him believe in Jesus, even though his new status meant that many of his friends shunned him.

Thinking back, meeting Dr.O in East Timor has been such a 'divine appointment' from God. I was then having acute pain in my lower right abdomen and was advised to seek medical treatment in case it is appendicitis. My nurse friend contacted Dr.O and told J. and I to seek help from him. When we found him, he had just recovered from dengue fever but proceeded anyway to diagnose my case and gave me treatment and follow-up instructions(he did not even charge me for the medication!). I was very grateful for his kindness and arranged to treat him to a dinner at my place. When J. and I found out about his birthday, we decided to surprise him with a birthday cake.

He was really thrilled on that day as we sang him a birthday song and celebrate his birthday over dinner. We also had a short time of sharing and got to know Dr.O better - even though I had to get J. to translate his Spanish to Portuguese and to English for me to understand. Some time later, we got to know that he had never had such a birthday celebration before and that he was very touched by it.

Fast forward to today, Dr.O had given his life to Jesus and find real meaning and joy. He'll be leaving Timor soon and going back to his dear country. I never knew that that birthday celebration had meant so much to him and that it had brought forth a wonderful friendship between him and J. and finally led him to discover Jesus for himself. Birthday celebration is such a common affair to us that we have taken it for granted. But for another person like Dr.O, it had brought him closer to knowing Christ and it did finally. Ah, what a wonderful God we have. And what a wonderful new birthday for Dr.O in the Kingdom of God.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" and "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven" - Gal 6:9, Matt 5:16

¡Feliz Cumpleaños! = Happy Birthday in Spanish

Another year is dawning

Here's an excellent poem on a new year with the Lord.

Another year is dawning;
dear Father, let it be,
In working or in waiting,
another year with thee.

Another year of progress,
another year of praise,
Another year of proving
Thy presence all the days.

Another year of service,
of witness for thy love;
Another year of training
for holier work above.

Another year is dawning;
dear Father, let it be,
On earth, or else in heaven,
another year for thee.

~ Francis Ridley Havergal

Inconvenience is a good thing

The great thing about being God's child is that you never stop learning(unless you arrogantly chose to), and sometimes even to re-learn something which you thought you already know. As creatures of comfort, we generally dislike being inconvenienced and we are always capable of coming up with seemingly valid excuses.

My friend had invited me for an event on a day where I had some time but because I prefer to go somewhere else, I politely decline with a vague excuse such as "I might not be free". Internally, I knew that I had time but would rather go somewhere else and hence, I felt that the excuse was justifiable. Sounds valid doesn't it? Of course it does and no one will see any problem with that - Except that this person who invited me is someone I am trying to reach out to.

Aha. That makes a world of difference, doesn't it? As I reflected on my instant decision, I realised how self-serving I was. The truth is that I would rather enjoy myself than to inconvenience myself to go for an event that I was not particularly interested in so that I could reach out to the person. I had intentions to invite this person for a Christmas service and wanted him to come. But what gives me the right to invite the person(and expect him to come) at all when I don't even want to accept his invitation in the first place? That was indeed very selfish. It's as if I'm telling the person, "Hey, come for for this event. Nevermind if you have never step into a church before and may feel awkward. Never mind the inconvenience of finding the place and having to use up your precious holiday time for this event. Nevermind if I didn't accept your invitation. This is more important. It will change your life. You got to come!" Sounds hypocritical, doesn't it?

It's a great lesson to be learn and I thank God for His exposure of my self-service. I've since accepted my friend's invitation and looking forward to building a stronger friendship which will enabled me to speak into his life as God directs me. Every moment is an opportunity. If you expect your friends to inconvenience themselves to come for your church's service and to listen to some "speech", then you better be ready to inconvenience yourself and respond to your friend first.

After all, Jesus did more than just inconvenience Himself to save us. Our inconvenience is nothing really. So don't let your own comfort deprive someone of hearing Christ. Make the right inconvenient choice today.

Get In Touch!!!

I don't know if you have or realize this pattern but I certainly do. The pattern goes like this - it is almost Good Friday, Easter or Christmas time and you picked up your phone to give your non-believing friend an sms or a call. "Hi, how are you? Would you like to come to my church this Sunday......" The reason: It is an evangelistic service and you would like to get your friends to come down and hear the gospel and prayerfully they respond.

While there is nothing wrong with inviting your friends, have you notice that you only sms or call them because it is an evangelistic event? On other normal days, you hardly sms or call them. So what am I trying to say? I am trying to say that we must make an effort to build up our friendship with non-believing friends. We should not only remember them when an evangelistic event draws near but treat them as we should have treated our cell group members. An occasional call, sms and meet-up IS necessary to keep in touch and to be an effective witness for Christ.

Everyone wants friends that genuinely cherish friendships. This sincerity is shown by your effort in maintaining contact and being real to them. Popping by last minute to invite friends you have not met for some time is akin to calling up your long-time friends with the intention of selling them insurance policies. I am not saying that we should not invite friends we have not met for a long time but ideally, we should have make an effort to keep in touch with them much earlier even before any evangelistic events. Because logically speaking, if my friend(who have not kept in touch with me for a long time) were to suddenly call me up and invite me to church, I would imagine him to be similar to some dude trying to sell me MLM products.

I hope you're getting what I mean. While shortcuts are possible, it can easily back-fire and put your friends off. I realized this recently and I am making an effort to meet my non-believer friends for dinner or other activities. They are not just worth inviting for evangelistic events, but worth spending my time with. Jesus died for them so that they can be saved, will you not spend some time with them to make Jesus's death worthwhile? Let's not be caught up in our own little 'christian world' where we spend 365 days with christians only.

Get out and get in touch today!!!

Your small acts of kindness matters

It has been a while since I last stopped to talk to a new tissue aunty. I occasionally talk to this aunty that I've mention in my blog last year but I haven't really stop to talk to other tissue sellers in recent times. Apathy and rushing for appointments are 2 main excuses I use to squirm my way out of blessing these people which many of us come across. What a shame, isn't it?

So there I was on my way back that I met this new tissue aunty on a wheelchair. Business must have been tough because she was so grateful when I bought her tissue. So as I converse with her, she spoke about why she is selling tissue. "I stay alone and I have to earn some money to buy "pampers" when there is not enough. No choice. Otherwise I will soil myself" said the auntie. That must have been a tough statement to say - imagine telling a stranger that you are in a health condition where you can't control your bowels, and you had to stay alone AND earn money yourself.

I decided to help out a little and pass her some money discreetly. "This is for you aunty. You can use it to buy food or to buy drinks or to use it in whatever ways you want..." I tried my best to water down the money giving act so that she will not feel she is some kind of beggar. (Not further damaging the dignity of a poor person is something that we must be highly sensitive of)

When she received the money, she started tearing and thanking me. I was shocked(by the fact that this little act had meant so much to her) I then told her that Jesus loves her and I was glad to find out that she believes in Jesus too. I will never forget those tears of joy and gratefulness on her face. Perhaps she thought everyone had forgotten about her, but God did not. Perhaps it was an answer to her prayer for provision from God. Perhaps it was an affirmation of God's promise that He will take care of her. Nevertheless, God met her that day. I was just a passer-by that God used.

There are just too many broken hearts out in the world today. If only we will slow down, pause, and listen to them. To talk to them and share with them. Our life can make so much a difference to another person's life more than we think it can. Our small acts of kindness matters. To them, and to Jesus.

"For i was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply,' I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least brothers of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:35-40

Festival of Light

Today I celebrated Deepavali, a major Indian festival significant in Hinduism , Jainism and Sikhism. It is popularly known as the "Festival of Light," where the lights or lamps signify the uplighting of darkness and victory of good over the evil within. Sounds familiar? Yes, similarities of the gospel where the great Light has come to the world and triumph over death and darkness.

Though I didn't get the chance to use this analogy to share with my Indian friends, I had a great time fellowshipping with them and got to pray for them when I was invited to say grace for the food. It really is a slow process but it is a good stepping stone to building deeper relationship and to shine as light before them.

Christmas is coming up and I'm praying for more of them to join me this time and may God opened their hearts even more. With globalization, the missions field is really not too far away from where we stay. Take a trip down to Little India, Golden Mile complex and Peninsula Plaza and you will see many Indians, Thais and Burmese. And there are many other nationalities in your workplace and neighbourhood too. So let us all take a good look at the field and realise this soon. The world is waiting to hear from us.

"Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." John 4:35

Everything in His time

The end chorus of Corinne May's song, Everything in its time, goes like this - "...I promise you, the answer will come. Hold on to patience and watch for the sign. Everything in its time...".

I think patience(waiting) is one of the toughest thing to learn in our world today. We want instant answers, quick solutions and equate patience as being laid back. You feel there are eyes looking at you and 'questioning' your wait - most the time, these are really our own imagination and prideful fear.

Waiting is really 'hard work' because you have to find something meaningful to do while waiting and sometimes you wonder if what you're doing is purposeful or not. This calls for a tough mental workout because the battle is in the mind. You'll be tempted to flirt with rash decisions, go with your emotions and make choices with poor reasons. If we don't get the Word of God into our hearts and minds, we are finished in this world. Our decisions will always pain us.

The song aptly sang the things we ought to do while waiting, i.e. to hold on to patience and watch for the sign. If we truly believe that God is in control and that He has the best interest for us, then we can do that. We can then brush aside what we're feeling right now and not make a decision based on it. We can say no to taking certain actions because we know for sure that God had not spoken - there was no 'sign' from Him.

I think what I've experienced recently made me understand what I've just said a little more. When I saw how God is beginning to open doors to East Timor again, I realised why I had to wait and how my wait has benefited me so richly. I had gained a wealth of knowledge and experience from those who are more experienced in community work and in church planting. My learning fitted perfectly into the new work which I am about to embarked on.

I also waited for another event which I can now thank God for enabling me to wait. It was in a way supernatural. After making my decision, God later on revealed the reasons in a most obvious manner. It was awesome. "...hold on to patience and watch for the sign. Everything in its time...." Hold on my friend. The time will come.

Everything in its time

Everything in its time - Corrinne May
Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Are you losing Jesus's compassion?

On one morning devotion, my friend in bible school shared on Luke 7:12-15 about the compassion of Jesus - how Jesus had compassion on the widow and raised her dead son to life. So often we approached praying for healings and miracles with bravado and thoughts of "will i fail or succeed?", and forgot that compassion should be the factor that drives us to pray for miracles. It was a timely reminder for me. Am I losing my compassion for the lost? Am I connected to Jesus's compassion for those who are hurting in this world? I think I have left His compassion somewhere. It is a wake up call.

As I watched the video about the plight of prostitutes in Cambodia, how young girls were sold or tricked into the sex trade, at one point i couldn't help but wept. I felt so overwhelmed when hearing their stories about their past, their rescue and their present hope. These are the 'lucky' ones that have been rescued. But there are many more out on the streets who do not have this hope. They are living in darkness everyday and they are captives to this trade. Isaiah 61:1-2 rang out loud - "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour." Who will go? Who will rescue them? Who will set them free? Who will bind their broken hearts?

...what can I do? I could only cry out to the Lord. "Father God, save them. Let all who have heard you respond to your call to rescue these helpless children of yours. Yes Lord, your precious children who are created in your own image with value, with dignity, with a purpose and a destiny in their lives. May You rescue them O Lord."

Timor Assurance

It was a good trip down to Timor. God has blessed me so much. First of all, He provided for my financial needs in going there. And secondly, I've had some unexpected divine appointments with certain friends and people there. There was nothing 'great' that happened. I got to see some of friends, visit some places and find out more about possible work there. The most memorable thing I took back is God's reminder of His call for me to serve Him there.

After one and a half year out of Timor, I began to wonder if God is telling me something else - i.e. Timor is not the place. Although I was quite certain that God had called me to serve Him there in end 2005, I have this lingering doubt if God is telling or showing me something else now. I am human after all, and being out of Timor for one and half year did smother some of my passion for her. Is God done with me in Timor? I was ready to surrender if God says my work in Timor is over and that He will placed me somewhere else to serve His purpose. But God is not fnished with me in Timor.

On the day I was supposed to leave, I got an unexpected divine appointment and attended a prayer meeting. My initial plan was actually to do some last minute walking and 'shopping' around town but somehow, I ended up in that prayer meeting that morning. As I was worshipping God in a song in Tetun, God touched my heart - He 'told' me that His glory will fill Timor, and that He is not done with me there. I couldn't help bursting out in tears. God is so good. He is always on time. And He knows exactly what I needed at this point of my life - His assurance. Praise God! Praise His Holy Name!!! Forever and ever more. Amen.

Time waits for no man

I was assigned for hospital visits that week and I got to meet Mr See. Although it was my first time meeting him, my nerves settle down very quickly and I began to enjoy my conversation with him. We spent much time talking about quite a number of things and strange enough, he left a deep impression in me. Perhaps it was the strength he displayed or the joy that shone through despite his failing health. I made up my mind to visit him again next week although I was not on duty.

But the second visit did not materialise. Perhaps I was too busy, perhaps I was too 'lazy'. Perhaps I felt the inconvenience or perhaps I thought there was still time. The days passed quickly and I did not see him that Friday. "Thanks for visiting my dad", her daughter beamed. It was Sunday morning. Mr See had been discharged but unfortunately, he had shingles and so he was not able to attend church service in case the contagious disease spread. I was glad for him and I thought to myself, "Hopefully I'll get to see him in next week's service".

Monday morning. The news came that Mr See had passed away. He had been taken home to meet His Maker; a home that was prepared for him and for us that believed in Jesus. A place where there is no more sorrow, no more tears, no more pain, no more sickness, no more conflicts, no more misunderstandings - a perfect home for a perfect body and mind. There will be singing, and dancing, and celebrations, and joy, and worship of God for Mr See. A loss on earth for us but a gain for him in heaven.

Time is not something we can buy. When it's gone, it's gone. I wish I have spoken to dear Mr See twice but it was not to be. Too many excuses I supposed. Our time on earth is really that short, but even an one-time encounter can make a difference and change things. Time really waits for no man. Seize the opportunity today. And let your light shine.

"When I think of him, he still impressed upon me what joy can do to the person who has it, and to the person who sees it" ~ Jason Lee.

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Conclusion

Please read Part 1 to Part 3 before this post to my thoughts on a loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church.

Here's the conclusion and it's a writing on the Church, i.e. the followers of Christ.

The Church, the body of Christ
We are distinct yet inseparable
We are different yet united
We are unrelated yet one family
We have different gifts but the same work
We have different ministries but the same mission
We have different stories but the same God
The same God who loves us all
The same love that binds us all
The same bond that show us all
That all may know we are His disciples
That all may know His loving kindness
That all may know His name
To God be the glory
                                ~ Jason Lee

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Part 3

I have read of Christians who bash the institutionalised church as unbiblical and even pagan, and calls for a return to 'New Testament styled' churches called house churches. I have heard of 'strange' teachings that promised good health and wealth to all Christians even though that is not truly the case. And there are many more 'controversies' or 'debates' from the Christian community today. How do we account for someone who has benefited and truly believe in Christ through some movements or churches with a 'controversial' theology? Is not God able to turned what is bad to good? Can not God preserve the spiritual health of a growing Christian by showing him the errors in the teachings he is receiving? God is sovereign and we can't really fathom why He allows certain things to happen but we all do know that He works all things together for good to those who love Him.

I feel that unless God has explicitly spoken of and shown His displeasure toward a certain form of ministry, movement or actions of a Christian, we should never judge it by attacking it or condemning it. It is dangerous. Imagined you are attacking or condeming a work that is truly from God - aren't you wasting your time and energy contending with God? And the worse part is you are saying what is pleasing to Him and originated by Him to be some sort of wrongs or evils. I implore you to read Acts 5:27 and Mark 3:22-30 before passing judgement.

To those who are contending that the speaking of tongues and/or spiritual gifts have ceased, please do not condemn such works that are happening today as demonic or unbiblical. And to those who are speaking in tongues and manifesting the gifts of the Holy Spirit, please do not judge churches who do not practice them as dead churches or inferior ones. This is especially so when both parties hold a bias view toward the other. How many of those who said speaking in tongues is gibberish and no longer valid had actually seen or heard for themselves tongues that are truly a foreign language praising God and not ecstatic utterances? How many of those who said gifts are no longer valid and unproven had actually seen a miraculous healing(that is supernatural) or experienced one themselves? How many of those who said the 'non-charismatic' churches are dead had actually seen how they lived their lives as exemplary witnesses for Christ? How many of those who said that 'dead' churches are inferior had actually seen how they devoted themselves to prayer and to a sacrificial work among the poor?

My dear brothers and sisters, let us love each other with an unbias view. After all, won't the above acts glorify God? If it does, why do we still contend with each other and try to strike each other down? Is not each individual accountable to God on that Day? Let us love God and love each other even if we have some differences; especially if those differences do not go as far as having a different gospel which will then require a separation. But love still remains. It will never fail and by our love for each other, all man will know that we are His disciples.

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Part 2

To this we might asked, "What is so radical about what you've just said?" You are right. It sounds 'ordinary' to us and it should be the norm for us, followers of Christ, but we are not really there yet(that is true at least for myself). Consider this:"A young man in Bible school offered to help David Wilkerson years ago when he was ministering on the streets of New York City. Wilkerson asked how much time he spent in prayer. The young man estimated about 20 minutes a day. Wilkerson told him, "Go back young man, Go back for a month and pray for two hours a day, every day for 30 days. When you have done that, come back. Come back, and I might consider turning you loose on the streets where there is murder, rape, violence, and danger. If I sent you out now on 20 minutes a day, I'll be sending a soldier into battle without any weapons, and you would get killed."

How much time do we actually spend praying(talking, pleading & listening) to God? Then someone says, "I spend 16 hours a day praying and doing nothing else!" Will we applaud this person for merely praying? I think not. I think as much as we strive to be radical for Jesus, we must not become extremists that have ideas that are far too lopsided. Praying without reading the word of God and without practising what the word says is not balanced nor radical for Christ in the truest sense; even if it meant the person prayed for 16 hours in one go.

How about someone who comes along and say, "I spend most of my time praying. But I also spend time reading the word of God and practising what it says although the ratio for the former is greater than the latter two." Will you then criticise or judge the person by saying, "You lazy bum! If you spend most of your time praying, who is going to reach out to those in the corporate world? Quit your miserable part time job and go get a real job!" I think too often we are guilty of judging because of our own bias. The above is exaggerated but there are cases that seemed to warrant a 'judgement' and for that, I am equally guilty of. I think having an open and balanced mindset is important.

No one should say "Marketplace ministry is the most effective way of reaching out to the lost" and hence neglect the jobless and marginalised. Nor should anyone say "We must help and give to the poor. They 'deserved' the gospel more than the rich" and hence neglect the people in the corporate world. The church must strike a balance in reaching out to both the rich and the poor because both parties need help and both parties are spiritually lost. Granted that some churches emphasize one over the other or focus more on one type, the church must still play its role of loving both parties wherever it is placed. This is similar for the individual. A person might spend more time praying but that does not excuse him for not reading the bible, doing good deeds and evangelising. There is no "Either...Or..." but "All" when it comes to what Christ has commanded us to obey and this is what I meant by being balanced. No one should speak critically of an individual or a church that is devoting more time towards certain areas of ministry unless they have become so extreme that they only do that and dropped everything else that Christ has commanded us and expected us to do.

A loving, radical and balanced Christian & Church - Part 1

Of late, I've been reading up quite a bit on theological works and giving my brain a Question & Answer workout. There are too many things unanswered. Whether you are a scholar or not does not matter because there are things we can never be 100% sure of. The only thing we can be sure of is that God has given us His word and His word will tell us what we need to know and it is enough. What we really need to do is practice what the bible says, and not so much to contend over theological issues or questions that are tough(with no 'real' answers as the answers come from a bias view of the debater's anyway).

I feel that it is important for us to have a 'balanced' mind. A radical and yet balanced view of all the things that is happening in the Christian community. Radical as in unconforming to the patterns of the world, bracing oneself to adhere to the high standards of the bible, dying to self daily(sacrificing personal pleasure so that more time is spent praying, reading His word, ministering to believers and non-believers alike).

It is more than a fiery, passionate emotion with the notion of "I will do this for Christ!!!". Rather, this zealousness for His name must come from God Himself, not churned up by human self. It comes from understanding His words and the desire to see Him glorified among every people and nation. It is not the outward expressions that we so often associate with zealous people or those we termed "on fire for God" that will make a person truly radical for Jesus. It is often the secret moments he spent with the Lord - praying and meditating on His word day and night - that makes him a radical Jesus lover. It results in outward expressions that are more than just fist pumping and loud shouts of declaration; the outward expression is seen in the form of love - giving to those in need, mixing with the marginalised and outcasts, welcoming the weak and heavy laden, extending a helping hand and sharing life's journey with all man.

Rethinking and Rediscovering

I'm beginnging to rethink many things recently. It seems that some of the things I thought I knew were more "assumed knowledge" than really understanding what they are really all about. As I began to reflect on how I approach missions and what I really understand about it, I realised I've missed out a big part of Christ in the equation. The first thing that comes to our mind when we talk about missions is usually about the obedience to the great commission or about reaching out to the poor and oppressed. This is not wrong, but there's something more. It is Christ.

I've realised that my motivation for missions has been about going all out to help the poor and to win them to Christ. It is about the doing and the action. Prayers have often been "Lord, show me how I can do this & that. Teach me how to talk to them. Have mercy on these souls." There is nothing wrong with such prayers, but it is not complete and the focus is not the most excellent. I've come to realise that I've lost the wonder of Christ in my missions endeavours. That is to stand in awe of Him and behold His glory. That my motivation and passion for missions should first come because of Him, simply Him and Him alone - my awe of Him, my wonder of Him, my speechless expression of His glory. It is all about Jesus.

'Strangely' enough, a day after I've received this 'revelation', I read John Stott's excellent paper on the Christology of Mission. I cannot agree more on one of the things he wrote. He says:
"The primary motive for mission is neither obedience to the Great Commission, nor even love for those who are oppressed, lonely, lost and perishing, important as both those incentives are, but rather zeal or 'jealousy' for the glory of Christ. It was 'for his name's sake', in order that it might receive the honour which it deserved, that the first missionaries went out. The same passionate longing should motivate us"

Read John Stott's excellent Christology of Mission at http://www.servantsasia.org/Article-Christology.asp

I am not ashamed of the gospel

Is it possible to be in a mode of desperation everyday? How would it feel like to be desperate for the souls of the lost everyday? I really don't know. Am I desperate enough? I wouldn't think so. As much as it is subjective, looking at myself, I do not see a desperate Christian in anguish of many souls. Sure, I pray for my family and friends to be saved. Yes, I've invited friends to church. Ok, I've led a few persons to Christ directly or indirectly in a year. But to be desperate for souls is a different thing.

I am not desperate. I am just like any 'ordinary' Christian that is growing in the Lord. Don't get me wrong, that is good. But I believe the more excellent way is to be desperate. Can I humanly conjure up desperation? Yes, maybe for a while but human efforts will never last. Only God can give godly desperation and I need to be desperate for such a desperation.

This means changing many things in my lifestyle - it's a huge challenge but a possible one if I were to surrender over and over again. Am I ready now? I don't think so. I can only pray that God will continue to be patient with me and mold me into a desperate mould.

Excepts from "Why God Used D. L. Moody" - by R. A. Torrey (http://www.wholesomewords.org/biography/biomoody6.html)
"Mr. Moody made the resolution, shortly after he himself was saved, that he would never let twenty-four hours pass over his head without speaking to at least one person about his soul. His was a very busy life, and sometimes he would forget his resolution until the last hour, and sometimes he would get out of bed, dress, go out and talk to someone about his soul in order that he might not let one day pass without having definitely told at least one of his fellow-mortals about his need and the Savior who could meet it."

I can read on and on about the exploits of D.L.Moody, how he preached the gospel to at least one person a day and how many of them were saved. But I do not only want to read and feel good. I want to be part of the story. I do not want to share the gospel only a few times a year. Can it be every day? Yes, with the help of God.

"Lord, help me be desperate for lost souls. Send me to them and them to me. May their souls be saved. Amen"

Thank God for friends

Sometimes, it is easy for us to take our friends for granted. While I was in Cambodia, I began to see how much friends need each other. I imagined what I will become if I'm in my colleague's shoes; alone in HVPV and with huge amount of tasks and issues I face everyday. Will I snap? Thank God for friends.

It was no mean feat trying to juggle operation tasks, projects tasks and staff and children issues everyday. It was already very difficult for two persons(my colleague and I); I can imagine one person handling all the stuffs. Thank God for friends.

Are you thanking God for your friends and appreciating them today? Or do you remember them only when a need arise? Thank God for friends.